Coals of Fire on His Head

I guess I'm very bad and vengeful. You know that verse?
If your enemy is hungry, feed him,
and if he is thirsty, give him a drink.
For in doing so, you will heap coals of fire on his head.

(Romans 12:20)

It always struck me as if it were saying, "Be really nice to the dudes who hate you. That'll make 'em feel guilty. Oh yeah, if you're good to them when they're rotten to you, that'll show them! So ha!" What a guilt-free way to get 'em back ... by making them feel small for what they did to such a nice person as you.

Now, that wouldn't be exactly, uh, selfless and giving, now would it??

But you know what? When Isaiah saw heaven and was commissioned to be God's prophet (Isaiah 6) the angel took a coal from the altar and placed it on Isaiah's lips and said, This has has touched your lips; your iniquity is taken away, and your sin is purged.

So maybe the coals are not about "Ha! Got you! Don't you feel bad now?" but maybe it's just plain about the forgiveness of sins. If your enemy is hungry, feed him even though he expects retaliation. If your enemy is thirsty, give him a drink even though he wouldn't do that for you. For in doing so, you will show mercy and forgiveness, and if the absolution is heaped upon his head, it may purge his sin and work love & faith in his heart. "And you will gain your brother."

Grand Babies

They Didn't Drop Dead

God had said, "In the day that you eat of [the fruit of the tree of knowledge] you shall surely die." Then Adam and Eve ate the fruit anyway. A very common question is "Why didn't they drop dead, then and there?"

In yesterday's sermon, Pastor talked about the answers typically given to that question and that there is truth in those answers: they were immediately separated from God; they began to die. But he posited another answer: they didn't keel over and die instantaneously because God is longsuffering. He is patient. He doesn't zot people but gives them time, calling and calling and calling them back to Himself. Adam and Eve weren't zotted, and this was the first demonstration of a God who put up with garbage from His people whom He loved. (We heard about this in the Isaiah 5 reading and the Matthew 21 reading this Sunday.) He loved, they rejected, and still He loved. Still He forgave. Still He bore with them.

Stephen

The martyr first whose eagle eye
could pierce beyond the grave,
who saw his Master in the sky
and called on Him to save.
Like Him, with pardon on his tongue,
in midst of mortal pain,
he prayed for them that did the wrong --
who follows in his train?

Today's Kitchen Goals

Four loaves of bread.
Turning a pie-pumpkin into a pumpkin pie.
Roasting the seeds.
Stewing two chickens for meals later this week.
Teriyaki chicken and rice for tonight's supper.
Setting some batches of kombucha to brew.
Mashed potatoes to make salmon patties tomorrow.
And hopefully a batch of cookies.

And with these goals, I still think I'm going to do yardwork??? And schoolwork with Maggie? And clean the house? I have no sense of proportion.

Hey, you know what I did yesterday?That's a pile of birch, maple, apple, cherry, lilac, locust, and crabapple branches. There's still quite a bit of tree-trimming to do in the next two weeks before the town's brush pick-up. I better have the good sense not to wield the pruning saw today: my shoulders are still aching from yesterday's efforts.

There was a florist in Delavan who asked us for our downed birch twigs and our tree trimmings from the birches. She loved how they look in flower arrangements. While picking up the mess I made in the yard yesterday, I noticed again how beautiful those twigs are!

Letting Go

Yesterday I unplugged from half my Facebook friends. This doesn't mean they aren't friends any more, but it does mean that I won't be keeping up with their daily lives like I have been. I want to say that I'll still be interacting with many of these people on a homeschooling email list, but I'm not as involved there as I used to be.

As I was getting ready to leave for work yesterday, Katie called and asked about the annual bird-banding presentation in Horicon. It would be a fun and educational outing for her and the girls. Katie's job is a lot more fun and fulfilling than my job.

Last week we cleaned the garage. We took quite a few items to Goodwill. There are homeschooling items I'm willing to sell. But there are a lot more I'm not willing to part with yet.

As much as I may enjoy my job (y'know, with its being a job and all), the downside is that I'm taking on my job at the bank in the wake of having had The Best Job In The Whole World. And that would make anything pale in comparison.

I don't want to get rid of those books. That would mean admitting that I'm done with them. I don't want to get rid of craft kits. That would mean admitting that I'm not going to teach Maggie how to use them. I don't want to disengage from gatherings of homeschool mommies (whether in person or online) because that would mean admitting that I'm done with that job and on to the next stage of life.

We're used to people getting better at their jobs, continuing in increasing enjoyment of their work as they hone their skills and advance in doing the part of the job they do best. But today's economy doesn't allow for that so much any more. So I'm not the only one saying goodbye to the best job I ever had or ever will have.

Pasta Test

Last time I shopped at Aldi, there was no whole-wheat pasta. When I asked the clerk, she said it had been discontinued due to lack of sales. Oh no! We'd been so disappointed with whole-wheat noodles in the past, and Aldi's was not only cheap but also a great product. We didn't have choke down the brown pasta because it was "good for us." It actually tasted great.

Yesterday I bought one box each of five different brands of pasta. In separate saucepans, I cooked about 1/4 cup of each kind. Here are our conclusions:

Hogsdon Mill has the brownest taste of the ones we bought, but it was edible.
15.8 cents per ounce.

Da Vinci 100% whole wheat also tasted brown, but acceptable.
19.9 cents per ounce.

Racconto 8-whole-grain pasta had a nicer texture and a lighter taste than the two 100% ones. It's a blend of grains: wheat, rye, buckwheat, kamut, spelt, etc.
16.2 cents per ounce.

Ronzoni Healthy Harvest and
Barilla Whole Grain
were our favorites. They're both half whole-wheat and half white. The taste and texture is much closer to the white pasta we'd been used to prior to discovering the now-gone pasta from Aldi. The ingredient list and nutrient list on the Barilla and Ronzoni look very similar to the label on the Aldi box.
Barilla = 9.0 cents per ounce
Ronzoni = 10.5 cents per ounce

For nutrition reasons, I'd prefer to buy Rocconto. The taste and texture is comparable to the Ronzoni & Barilla, but the mix of whole grains has a variety of minerals that you don't find when eating just wheat. But the Rocconto is almost twice the price of the Barilla. I think that means Barilla wins out for our family.

Let Me Not Be Ashamed

Our psalm for this week is 25. Four times David talks in this one psalm about being ashamed or not being ashamed. I don't know about you, but I tend to think of ashamed as pretty much equivalent to embarrassed.

But the word shame is in "ashamed." Shame isn't really a feeling so much as it as a status that comes in the wake of one's behavior. We pray in the Sixth Petition "that God would guard and keep us so that the devil, the world, and our sinful nature may not deceive us or mislead us into false belief, despair, and other great shame and vice." That part of the Lord's Prayer sheds a different light on what David is saying in the psalm.

Facebook

In an attempt to cut down on my computer time, I've decided to ban myself from Facebook four days per week. I intend to cut my friends-list in half or more. When I originally signed up for Facebook, my plan was to "friend" only close family and a couple of friends. I was "hidden," and my list consisted of around 20-25 people for many months.

Then Facebook took away the option to be hidden. The recent changes on Facebook seem too overwhelming for me to figure out at this point in my life. Facebook wants to give us more reasons to interact on their site, and that's the exact opposite of what I want. Given that I've spent the last few years trying to curtail my attraction to goofing on the computer, this seems as good a time as any to back off in this one area. I'm not willing to axe the whole account (at least, not yet) because I want to see baby pictures and wedding pictures and reunion pictures, all of which are easy to share via Facebook.

If I believed in signs from God, I would say that He sent several this week confirming that this is a good plan. Please don't take it personally if I 'unfriend' you or fail to respond to FB messages. I'm just trying to spend more time with In-Real-Life interaction than electronic conversations.

Wish me luck.

When the Ark Set Out

The pillar of cloud/fire led the Israelites in the wilderness. At the end of Numbers 10, we hear what Moses said when they started out journeying and what he said when they stopped.

Psalm 68 (written by King David about 500 years later) starts with the exact same words that Moses said whenever the ark set out.

I think that's so cool. I love seeing in the Bible how we keep saying the same things over and over through the centuries, how we keep repeating what the previous generations have prayed. Those words which sustain our faith are words which transcend the years, the decades, the millenia.

Two Silver Trumpets

God instructed Moses that there should be two silver trumpets. They would be used to notify the Israelites when to gather, and when to pick up camp and move. They would be used as a call to arms and, at other times, as a call to worship. (See Numbers 10.)

So look at Psalm 81. "Blow the trumpet at the time of the New Moon, at the full moon, on our solemn feast day."

How 'bout that? Those trumpets referred to in the psalm weren't simply the brass in the orchestra used for worship. They were sacramental trumpets. (Don't look at me like that! They were. Look at the story!)

Boring Ol' Update

We keep trying to find time to work in the garden. Andrew and Maggie helped me a lot at the end of last week, but it's been raining constantly since Friday night.

Rachel was here on Sunday. Katie and the girls came over too. Ah, enjoyment!

My mom is home from hospital and rehab, enjoying being back in her own house!

Someone was sent home sick from work. I was the only one available to sub. So I will have three full days this week instead of two. So much for washing sheets or going to the grocery store. Actually, I'm quite pleased that we managed to eat Real Meals both yesterday and today, in spite of my paid-job interfering with cooking.

Also regarding job-news, the best teacher we have at our branch is taking a promotion at another branch. Oh, I will miss him! I have to ask a lot of questions and learn a lot before he goes elsewhere. He has such a calm way of teaching, but always explains well and gives opportunity to the learner to be doing some thinking instead of just rote copying, but he's fun and no stick-in-the-mud. That other branch that stole him away is sure lucky to get him! Thankfully, I really like the person who will probably replace him.

And in still more job-news, my regular schedule was changed with the start of the school year. There are a couple of minor downsides to the new schedule, but it also opens up two important days annually that I look forward to but had to miss this past year. So what worked best for my manager turned out to be what works best for me too! Can't get much better than that.

Saturday we all worked together on garage cleaning. We found plenty of items that had gone missing. This past weekend I also managed to clean off all the kitchen counters and the bedroom dressers. WHY are they already littered with papers and misplaced items? Already?!!

We watched The Blind Side again tonight. Yowza, that is one FANTASTIC movie.

Love Means ...

Love means "I will do whatever it takes so that you might live."

-- Kenneth Korby

Day of Atonement

In Leviticus 16, God tells the people about atonement. The bull is sacrificed. The goat is sacrificed. The sins of the people are imputed to the scapegoat, and it is driven away. But one thing seemed so odd.

The Holy of Holies had to be atoned for. The altar had to be atoned for. What? These places are not sinners. They didn't do sin. The Holy of Holies is the place of God's saving presence. This place is so holy that even the high priest can't enter, except once a year, after bathing and donning the holy garments and entering with the blood of atonement and the incense to cover the mercyseat. But still, God says several times in the chapter that the tabernacle and the altar and the Holy of Holies must be atoned for. They are in the midst of an unclean people.

It looks like our sin contaminates even the holy things that come to us. It's like the Holy of Holies shows us that Jesus (the true Holiest Place, the true Tabernacle) gets polluted by being among us unclean people, like as if our sin made Him to be the sinner. Thank God that Jesus is also the sacrifice which purifies.

A True Treasure

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

Thorin Oakenshield, spoken to Bilbo
shortly before Thorin's death

Birthday "Cake"

Andrew thought birthday donuts sounded like a better plan than birthday cake.

Yummy!

Anniversary

Picnic in the park last week:

Our dear Frederick the Wise (aka Ed Suelflow):

After we heard a firm admonition from Pastor that it is not HIS anniversary but OUR anniversary, I will not label this picture "the honoree." But in some of the pictures you can see some members of the congregation, so that makes the whole "pair" for the anniversary.

Garden Mistakes

Liz asked about pruning raspberries.This is what I accomplished a couple of weeks ago. Thing is, I shouldn't have. Because I didn't prune shortly after the canes were done bearing, they were too crowded. Next year's canes didn't grow strong enough. The wind has bent and broken too many of next year's fruiting canes. What I should have done (given my neglect in July and August) was to prune out all of this year's fruiting canes and some of the baby canes. But I should have left plenty and then pruned again in spring. Right now, I have no margin for loss to winter's ice and snow and deer. But for the sake of Liz's education, this IS how thick the bearing-canes should be standing when a person is done with the spring pruning.



The strawberry patch has been a project screaming for attention for about 10 weeks now. Mark & Julie loaned me their Mantis [tiller] and I love it. It's lightweight enough that I can handle it. It took me three hours to spade up the weeds and eliminate that row by hand, till deeply and add manure, and replant strawberry crowns/plants. So, only about 12 more hours to go.

I can't believe how exhausted I was from fixing that one row. I couldn't make supper, clean, or do anything last night except collapse and relax. Not good. I felt so lazy. All I did was three measly hours of manual labor, and then I was shot. The plan was three more hours each day until I was done. But rain interrupted today's efforts. That does wretched things to my momentum!



Look at those miserable cucumber vines. The fungus got 'em. And yet, they bore. Not much, to be sure, but they did bear something. The powdery mildew also plagued the volunteer cantaloupe vines that showed up in the compost pile. And yet, we have 8 nice cantaloupes out there ripening. "God certainly gives daily bread to everyone without our prayer, even to all miserable gardeners, but we pray that He would lead us to realize this and to receive our daily bread with thanksgiving."

On a science note: I think this fungus problem in the garden is helping me figure out things in the Bible where it says the crops were destroyed, and yet there was still something left for the next plague to come along and destroy.

The Deep Recesses of Memory

For many years we recited one chief part of the catechism each day of the week. It keeps the words once-memorized accessible in one's brain. During the last few years, we would say that day's catechism portion on the drive to chapel. This summer we slacked off. When we began to resurrect the habit recently at the start of the new school year, I was surprised by what came out of my mouth.

The words from the 1943 catechism are popping up in unexpected places. I have been using the 1986 catechism since 1986 (or before?). I've been teaching it; I've been reciting it; I've been praying it; I know it. And then, here we are -- the fourth commandment: "give them honor, serve and obey them, and hold them in love and esteem." The second article: "who has redeemed me, a lost and condemned creature, ..." Good grief! Where did that come from all of a sudden?

Nineteen Years Ago

Once upon a time, on this very evening, I was in a fit of vacuuming, mopping, dusting, doing laundry, and washing dishes. Yes, it was late. Yes, the children were already tucked in for the night. It's called "nesting." I remember taking a break to watch Rush; that was the brief stint when he had the television show, and it was less than two months before the Clinton/Bush election.

The next morning, we made it to the hospital in record time; I have no idea what the speedometer might have said. Twenty-two minutes after I waddled into the ER, we welcomed the biggest newborn we'd ever seen.

Annetta and her kids came to visit that morning. A little later Gary fetched our kids. They stopped at the fast food joint across the street from the hospital. The kids rejoiced over burgers and fries while Gary and I dined on steak and champagne. A little later, we took our sweetie-pie home to snuggle and love.
Isn't he just the cutest thing? And he still is!

A Pietist Meets Leviticus

What? A person is unclean because he was working in the field and accidentally touched a dead frog? A person is unclean because of certain bodily functions that are unavoidable? Yesterday's story from Leviticus 4-5 mentions guilt due to hearing someone else utter an oath. Today's story from Leviticus 5-6 mentions sinning when you're unaware of it. And the one that (years ago) really made me mad at God -- a person is unclean because of touching her husband's or child's dead body to prepare the deceased for burial.

How on earth is anybody supposed to remain clean???



Um ... yeah ... exactly the point.



I used to think "being clean" was what was most important to God. I thought what mattered to Him was whether I was a good girl. So it seemed very unfair of Him to set up rules that we just could not obey fully. When we studied Leviticus a few years ago, Pastor repeatedly emphasized two things we learn from the sacrificial system: to point to Christ's sacrifice, and to show the people that they could not obey the law and needed atonement from outside themselves.

So what I used to think was unfair is actually a good thing. It was God's way of showing that we can't do the law, no matter how hard we try, no matter how scrupulous we are. It is impossible for us. There is only One who is clean. Our cleanness is imputed to us because of Christ's blamelessness. The law's demands were never intended to be our checklist, but were given to show us our impotence. And that's good news -- even though it's plenty weird to be rejoicing in our impotence. Because Christ is our strength, our ability, our refuge, our perfection.

"The Gospel gives what the Law demands."

The Office of the Holy Ministry

What's the difference between a pastor and a DCE? Between a pastor and a principal? Between a pastor and a deaconess?

Recent "Pressure Point" articles in the Reporter have addressed the topic of what happens to a congregation in the transition between pastors. At the end of this month's article, a question is raised: "Why is it that our church body addresses congregational issues when pastors leave and not for called workers -- teachers, DCEs, etc?"

Of course, the response was "Good point" along with a statement that the previous articles should apply to all church workers and not just pastors.

But my thought was different. Yes -- good point! It's true, the effect on a congregation of a pastor's leaving is vastly different from when another church worker leaves. That right there ought to be evidence of the difference in office.

Do we not see that the pastor is in the stead of Christ? The DCE is not. The principal is not. The deaconess is not. That doesn't mean these workers are unimportant. But they do different work. These other offices are good, and the people in them serve the neighbor in God-pleasing ways. But these other offices are not essential to the Church. The pastoral ministry IS. That's why the pastor's departure (whether he has been faithful or a scoundrel) is such a big deal for the congregation.

My Strawberry Bed

Actually, when the crabgrass flowers, it's rather pretty.


Pssst -- This is not a good thing to have discovered.

Reservation Glitches

When Gary and I went to check in to our bed & breakfast for our anniversary celebration, we were stunned to find that we didn't have reservations. Did I make reservations at a different bed & breakfast? We called the only other one in Spring Green, and no, they didn't have us down either. We were immensely thankful for the innkeeper who helped us!

This past Saturday, when we returned for Installment #2 of our anniversary celebration in Spring Green, I was dismayed to find that the tickets were dated for Friday. I had ordered Saturday tickets, but it was clear as day that the tickets in my grubby little hands were for the previous day. I thought surely I was losing it! How could I botch up so many things?

But we managed to work out that situation too. And oddly enough, it turned out that another couple we talked to on Saturday also received tickets different from what they'd ordered. And then, today, I received a phone call from the interim innkeeper we'd stayed with last month. (She's like a vacancy pastor or a substitute teacher, filling in when the B&B owner is away.) They are sending us a check for the price difference between the room I'd reserved and the nicer room we ended up taking when we arrived to find that they had no record of our arrival, and someone else in the room we'd requested. It turns out that the very same thing happened the next day to another guest at the B&B.

So now I'm wondering what was going on in the bits and bytes of the Internet over summer. Usually everything flows smoothly. But this many reservations gone wonky? Did anyone else bump into these kinds of glitches in mid- to late-summer?

Isaiah 1:18

Come, let us reason together:
Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow.
Though they are red like crimson,
they shall be as wool.

"Like wool."
Wool comes from a lamb.

Isaiah 61 says, "He has clothed me with the garments of salvation. He has covered me with the robe of righteousness." And "He" is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world.

Be Transformed

Y'know how some Christians are prone to telling us we need to change the way we think, how we need to be more spiritual or whatever?

Someone recently pointed out how Romans 8 tells us that He predestined us to be conformed to the image of His Son. And Romans 12 tells us that we should not be conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewal of our minds.

Be transformed.
Be conformed.

Those are passive verbs.
It's what's done to us.

We don't conform ourselves to the image of Jesus. That's the Holy Spirit's job. We don't transform our own minds, but we are the ones who are being transformed.

Wisconsin Homeschoolers and Your PI-1206

For 27 years, homeschoolers have been notifying the Dept of Public Instruction of the same information regarding their homeschools. It's the census information requested of all schools, public and private.

This year, some homeschoolers are spreading faulty information about the online PI-1206. If you homeschool in Wisconsin, please comply with the excellent law we have. If you need more information, see this article and this one too.

If you refuse to file appropriately, you risk truancy charges. But not only that, you risk my freedoms and others' freedoms. Wisconsin homeschoolers do not want court cases about homeschooling, and we do not want the legislature considering changes to our law. Help protect what we have so long worked for: report your enrollment, and please spread the word to your homeschooling friends and support groups.

Insurance

I buy health insurance through Gary's job. The company who sells it to us does not have any influence over my health or my need for their product.

I buy auto insurance. Robb, who sells it to me, does not send deer into my path while driving. He does not send thugs through town, bashing cars with baseball bats so that we are feeling the need to protect our cars.

I buy life insurance. The guy who sells it to me has not done anything to cause death rates to rise in my area. Sure, insurance salesmen do operate a bit off the fear-factor, wanting you to prepare for preventing problems if you should die prematurely. But we all know that some people die prematurely. The insurance salesmen don't bump off people so that the rest of us feel a need to insure ourselves.

Let's say a vaccine company comes along and develops a vaccine that might prevent some cases of one particular cancer if it's caused by a particular virus. When that company encourages the government to make the vaccine mandatory, we get suspicious. Is this vaccine really intended for our health? Or is it intended for the health of the pharmaceutical company's bottom line?

Let's say the auto insurance industry gets involved in the government's decision to require new kinds of coverage and higher amounts of coverage. That sure sounds to us as if the insurance dudes are working for their own benefit. We are skeptical.

Let's say a group of lawyers sells legal insurance. Let's say they get involved in the passing of new legislation or in court cases. When we look at this group's history, we find that their involvement in a state will often result in changes that leave law-abiding people fearful. "We knew where things stood last year, but everything's shook up now. Will someone in government come after me? How did the laws change? Did I do everything that I'm supposed to do under the new law? What if my family ends up in court as the whole constitutionality of these new regulations shakes out?" And suddenly, people are feeling the need for protection. They didn't need protection under the old law. But now, after they have been helped by Christian lawyers who are ostensibly "on their side," they need protection.

WHY do we buy protection from those who can create the need to be protected?

Follow the money trail.

Texas's Location

Yes, yes, we know it's hot in Texas, but this ends up a bit silly.


As today is the anniversary of California's statehood, this morning's all-school meeting (which consists of a few minutes after chapel) included factoids about California.

"The hottest temperature ever recorded in the United States was in California. Does anybody know where that was?"

And Joey responds: "Texas!"

The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant

While transforming a bushel of tomatoes into spaghetti sauce yesterday afternoon, I listened to a Lutheran call-in talk show. The topic was the upcoming Sunday's Gospel from Matthew 18. Somehow, it's always easy for that reading to come off sounding as if Forgiving The Neighbor is the one good work we must do lest we fail to measure up to God's requirements.

On the talk show, one of the pastors cautioned another to not soft-pedal Jesus' words here. (He hadn't been!) While one pastor is saying that we cannot forgive as we ought, but that we rest in the forgiveness of sins obtained in Jesus' sacrifice, the other pastor is saying that we cannot minimize the seriousness of this injunction to forgive our neighbor. Even though we'd talked about that tension during Bible class earlier in the day, it took me until the last 45 seconds of the talk show to figure out what the problem was.

Yes, the Law does demand that we forgive. No, we cannot do it perfectly. Yes, there is forgiveness. No, forgiveness doesn't mean we can blow off what Jesus says about the mercy we sinners cannot give as we ought. So what bothered me? It was where we find the answer to the dilemma.

"I still have my sinful flesh which is unmerciful. This parable shows me my unforgiving heart."
Answer A: Jesus said, "If you do not forgive, your Father will not forgive you."
Answer B: I forgive you all your sins in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Oh, and by the way, when your eyes are fixed more and more on Jesus and His mercy, that cannot help but transform you.


Answer A = Law and demands.
Answer B = Gospel and grace.

Answer A is true. It is good. There is no way to get around it. But it has no power to change my heart into a forgiving heart.

Answer B is true. It is good. And it does have the power to melt an unforgiving heart.

Emergency Baptism

There's disagreement out there on the topic of whether healthy babies should be baptized right after birth or if it's better to wait until the child can come to one of the services of the Church. There is, however, no disagreement about baptizing a baby who is in imminent danger.

My mom was a nursery nurse. Sometimes she would baptize babies. However, not everybody knows that it's not only okay, but good, for a layman to baptize a baby in an emergency. Sometimes we think such things "go without saying." But they don't; they need to be said -- in this situation, it is not disrespectful to the pastoral office to baptize the child yourself. So I just want to mention this right now, for my young readers who may be having children in the coming years, as well as for those of y'all who are in the medical field and may have the opportunity to be around at your patient's end.



Friday morning is a funeral for two little boys for whom Jesus died. We grieve with their parents.

Inconsistent Message

Gary and I walked into a gift shop we've enjoyed in the past. The first thing I saw inside the door, prominently displayed, was a pink nightshirt. The silk-screened picture depicted a pair of sexy high heels, several open bottles of wine, bubbles, and a little confetti, with the saying, "Zero to naked in 15 bottles."

Okay.

The very next thing I noticed was the music playing: "Come home. Come home. Ye who are weary, come home. Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling, calling, 'O sinner, come home.'"



This does not compute.

Anfechtung

We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.

C. S. Lewis, in a letter
to Peter Bide, 1959

Wow, that sure puts the finger on how we, on the one hand, truly trust God and yet, on the other hand, chafe at living under the cross.

Census and the Consumer Price Index

The Census Bureau contacted us recently. We have been chosen [oh, lucky us!] to participate in a two-week project. People keep diaries on every penny they spend, and that's part of how the Consumer Price Index is calculated.

So when a person is already irritated with a massive government that intrudes into private life, interferes with business, and spends far too much money, that person is not a happy camper when the government wants to know every time we fill the gas tank, every stick of gum we might buy, and how much we spend on potatoes and socks. Luckily I paid all but one of the month's bills the day the census worker arrived, so none of that had to go in the diary which started the following day.

Looking at the diary, I was floored by its arrangement. Each day you're given 22-25 lines to record expenses. One page is for eating out, another for clothing & jewelry, another for groceries, another for any other expense. Do you catch that? The same space for eating out as for groceries. Now, I understand that if there are 4-5 people in a family, and everybody gets breakfast out, grabs lunch at the school cafeteria or restaurant, stops for a donut or a beer, and then eats out for supper, that means you won't even have enough lines to record the restaurant expenses. But compare that to groceries.

The trick to the groceries is not that "I spent $142.79 at Woodman's on Tuesday," but every item must be recorded. If you bought 5 cans of pineapple, those can all be recorded on one line. But every different item must be listed individually. I asked the poor census worker TWICE, "You must be joking, right? Everything sorted and listed from my grocery receipt?" When she assured me that they do indeed need my grocery purchases listed individually with their pricetags, I told her that that's incentive enough not to go to the grocery store until my two-week duty is done. (Gary said later, "You know, most people couldn't avoid that. We've got a freezer full of meat, canned goods in the basement, and a few bags of flour.") Besides, they allow us only 25 lines per day, with a space at the end of the diary for another 95 items. I'm not sure that would be enough for a grocery receipt that's nearly 3' long.

And a full page for clothing items every single day? In any given two-week period, we're far more likely to spend nothing on clothing & shoes than to buy even one thing.

They tell us that we have been randomly chosen, and that it is imperative that we participate because [get this!] we are representing thousands of our neighbors.

Us?

In the way we use our money?

Uh ... I don't think so!

I bet they will get one of the emptiest diaries they've ever seen. And it won't be because I'm not telling the truth about my expenditures. We just don't spend much.

They probably won't believe it. But maybe they could take a lesson: spend less than your income. It might do amazing things for the federal budget.

Too Hot? Too Cold?

A couple of weeks ago, Maggie couldn't exercise. It was too hot, you see. It was, oh, maybe 80° out.

So today we talk about whether she should get up for chapel tomorrow. I could drop her off at church, and she could walk home. "What??! It's cold outside." Yes, the weather has cooled off considerably. I've actually started wondering how long until frost. I'm wondering how the refrigerator temperatures overnight are going to affect my tomatoes which are still ripening on the vine.

But c'mon ... It's too cold to exercise? Does this kid have a 3° window when the temperature is acceptable, or what? I maintain that God gave us sweatshirts for a reason.

Changing a Reputation

We have our expectations. When a cheerful person is quiet and moody, we accept the mood as an anomaly and expect the pleasant disposition next time we see Miss Sunshine. When a cranky person works on being kinder, we're always on guard around him; it takes only one episode of snippiness before we assume that Mr Grumpy has resurfaced.

So how does a person change his reputation? How long does it take? It's hard to realize that other people still expect you to respond in ways you used to respond, even if you seldom or never do those things any more. Those old attitudes and behaviors and responses are still part of your reputation.

So (short of being absolutely perfect, constantly, for a few years) is there anything we can do when we realize that some people have ugly impressions of us? And is there anything we can do to beat back our negative impressions of someone else in order to better believe the new&improved reputation?

Unschooling

I love the opening quote from an article about the role of an unschooling parent:

Unschooling is not about letting my children run wild. It's not about shirking my responsibility, but it's about embracing it. It's about spending actual time with my children, about getting to know them like I would a friend. Unschooling is about being present with my children.

Unschooling is, in one sense, easier than trying to play The School Game in your own house. But in another sense, unschooling is harder. This article explains why.

Curiosity versus Need-to-Know Basis

"What if ...?"

We used to wonder together about all sorts of what-ifs. "If the police stop you while you have a kombucha bottle in the car (thinking it was alcoholic), what would you do?" "If you were planning a party and you didn't want So-and-So to attend, how would you handle it?" "If the library charges you for damage done to a book by a previous user, do you have to pay the fine?" "If we hadn't moved, who would be our friends?"

Kids ask these things. They ask and ask and ask. And ask. As tiring as those questions may be, it's good for their little thinkers. These curiosities stretch their brains. Their problem-solving (even for imaginary problems) helps develop real-life problem-solving skills.

I have noticed, however, that these what-ifs tire me now. It's almost like I don't want to be bothered by problems that aren't within my vocation to solve. When asked the what-ifs now, I tend to say, "Not my problem!! I don't have to figure that out." But that's not good for Maggie and her thinker. Time to attempt to rev up the imagination and the curiosity again.

Zoe

Five months:

Discovery World

Maggie's prize for the library's summer reading program was children's passes to Discovery World. So one day last week we headed down to the lake front. I was shocked by the "free" fieldtrip's price: my ticket and the parking fee were almost prohibitive. But we haven't gone to a museum in so long, and I think it was good we did. (I'd thought a year-long family membership was a good deal when we had six kids. Even with only one at home now, the year's membership would still be cheaper than two trips where we pay admission!)
We nabbed Alia to take along. It was mostly for me and Maggie's sake. Katie [silly girl] thought we were generously taking Alia to be helpful to her. No! It's so much more fun to go do those things with a munchkin!

One thing that surprised me was how tired I got: after two hours or so, I was wiped out. I used to be able to head off for a full day to explore museums with the kids.

Every time I go to a science museum, I am once again stunned by how fabulous the Rockford Children's Museum is. Others may be good, but I have been spoiled forever by Rockford.

It was an absolutely gorgeous day inland, and even more beautiful at the lake.

Just Stuff

You know it's a delectable meal when you can't figure out which food to save for last, because they're all so delicious that there is no way to "save the best for last."

Mom's dialysis is helping. The c-diff returned and is now beaten back again. She is currently in the hospital with cellulitis. She's still needing to make a trip to St Louis for diagnosing what's up with those ulcers. She can't have the surgery for the permanent port for dialysis until she knows that she doesn't need cancer surgery.

College classes are going fine for Andrew.

Nathan's new job was requiring more hours than he anticipated. He's now done with training, onto his standard schedule, and catching up with the homework in the class he's taking for his computer degree.

I've been learning a new task at work -- running the machine that actually posts the bank's transactions, the machine that makes sure each teller's work is balanced and that the whole branch is balanced. So far it's been fun, sometimes like a puzzle to solve. I suspect my co-workers are amused with me: they ask if I'm having fun with it ... and I am! So far, however, it's been easy. I might not think it's so fun when I get whopped with a huge pile that's full of mistakes to ferret out and correct. Also, it makes me more useful to my boss if I can learn some tasks beyond just helping customers with deposits and withdrawals.

If this heat wave is Indian summer, we are in for a very long winter. Please, let this heat wave just be one last hurrah for regular summer!

I'm wondering why somebody would find enjoyment in scaring a little kid and tickling her until she cries and screams. "Oh, it's just playing." Really? Do you think the kid agrees?

Gary and I went to Spring Green for our anniversary. APT was up for Sunday. We stayed in a very nice bed-&-breakfast in town. We putzed around Monday morning. On the way home we stopped at a friend's house to pick up the kids and enjoyed a conversation there (conversations that don't happen nearly often enough).


Too much gallivanting around on trips, not being at home, means I'm not being diligent about taking my vitamins and taking enzymes with my meals. That means my allergies are acting up. During ragweed season too. I need to work on getting back into that routine.

When you don't have time to can salsa or make spaghetti sauce, the tomatoes really pile up. I palm them off on all sorts of people, and we are eating cheese&tomato sandwiches to our hearts' content!!

Someone took our lawn swing from its spot near the front door. Because it disappeared on trash day last week, I'm hoping that it was an over-zealous dumpster-diver who took it. I hate to think that there might bad guys who are intentionally stealing things out of people's yards.

I am procrastinating so badly on my strawberry bed that I was desperate enough this week to scrub clean the fridge rather than making a dent on the weeding, tilling, replanting babies, watering them in, etc.

The raspberry patch was not as intimidating. I whacked away at those today. That spot in the garden now looks positively naked. My arms are scratched, and the blisters on my hand are raw, but I'm pleased with that section of my berry gardens.

There's probably loads more to report, but it's bedtime.

Walking to School

Jane posted a link to a brief article about being ready for first grade. Thirty years ago, the readiness skills for first grade were similar to today's readiness skills for preschool ... or at least things kids need to know prior to kindergarten. But also on the list of readiness skills from 1979 was that a kid knew how to navigate around his neighborhood (4-8 blocks away from home) on his own. As the commenter put it, that's something today that we're letting eighth-graders try.

Katie tells stories of going to the playground with the girls. She will let 2-yr-old Alia climb up the stairs to the slide. She will let Alia climb the tiny little rock wall at one playground. She lets her swing as high as those short little chains will allow. Alia is doing nothing dangerous. She's engaging in behavior less risky than her parents did, and certainly less risky than her grandparents did. And yet, other mommies are gasping, pointing out to Katie that Alia needs to be rescued, and then being incredulous that Katie is okay with [gasp] Playground Behavior at the playground.

Why do we think this over-protection is in the best interests of children?

Chapel Yesterday Morning

In Exodus 25, God begins to give the instructions to Moses for building the furnishings of the temple. In plundering Egypt, God had given the people gold and other riches which they could then offer up for the building of the tabernacle. He told them how to make the tent, the altars, and the priestly garments. He gave them the animals for the sacrifices. He gave them priests. He gave them the liturgical rites they were to use.

God gave them what they needed. And what they needed was not merely manna to eat, shoes to wear, and water to drink -- all of which He provided. But He provided, too, the things necessary for their worship, that they might receive His gifts and His forgiveness.

He does the same for us who are on our pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

Healing from Grief

Sometimes it takes a long, long time.

I noticed last fall, after seven years, that the loss was still there, but the tears weren't. And then, recently, Pastor brought up something in Bible class that Pastor Wiest had preached. The part more interesting to me, however, was that he prefaced his words with a parenthetical comment on loss and grief. He said that he could see something in a movie now and it would make him smile to remember Steve. The loss is still there, but the depth of gut-wrenching grief isn't. There's fondness now in memories instead of just tears and more tears. Yes! That's it!

Discovering this (I mean, experiencing it and not just knowing it intellectually) helps me expect that God will carry me through other losses and that healing will, eventually, come.

Green Beans

Fresh lettuce and spinach out of the garden in spring is a delight. Potatoes, onions, carrots, beets, zucchini -- whatever we grow is better-than-bought. I love my berry-parade through June's strawberries, July's raspberries, and late summer's blackberries.

But there are two things that are exquisite beyond all the rest:

the first tomatoes, in bruschetta salad or tomato sandwiches or simply salt-&-peppered

and the first mess o' steamed green beans.



Tonight is green bean night. Yum! I love how they squeak like fresh cheese curds!

Chapel This Morning

Today's story is from Exodus 24. The Lord calls Moses, Joshua, Nadab, Abihu, and the seventy elders up on the mountain.

The Israelites had heard the word of the Lord. They promised to cling to the commands He gave (the commandments and the feasts). Moses sacrificed the burnt offerings and the peace offerings. Half the blood was sprinkled on the altar. The rest of the blood was sprinkled on the people: "This is the blood of the covenant which the Lord has made with you according to all these words."

Turns out that the people didn't do what they promised. They didn't cling to God's word. They didn't obey. They went their own way. (Surprised?)

Jesus, however, would cling to the words of the Father. He would obey it all. He would hold it sacred, and gladly hear and learn it. He would be the new Israel who actually kept the promise to follow the Lord. And then He would be the sacrifice and the peace offering. His blood would be poured out on the altar. His blood would be on the people (Mt 27:25). His word would guarantee: "This cup is the new covenant in my blood which is shed for you."

We couldn't keep the old covenant, the one from Exodus 24. But He makes a new covenant. And He keeps it even though we don't deserve it.

Free Will

Arminianism versus Lutheranism.
Arminians: "I have decided to follow Jesus." "I accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior." "Give your heart to Him."
Lutherans: "A dead man cannot decide to be alive." "He chooses us; we do not choose Him."

In the past, free will* was explained to me with the following chart:
Before the fall into sin: Man had free will; he was pure.
After the fall into sin: Man had no free will; he was a slave to sin.
After conversion: The Christian man has free will; he can choose to sin or not sin.
After temporal death: The Christian man has no free will; in the resurrection he will be forever freed from sin and confirmed in grace, unable to fall again.

* With the term free will, we are talking not about the free will to choose whether I'm wearing jeans or a dress today, but whether the will is free to choose to love God and selflessly live for the neighbor.

So, basically:
Free will.
No free will.
Free will.
No free will.



I agree with the first two.

I'm not so sure about the third. Remember that little spiel Paul had in Romans 7? "The good that I will to do, that I am unable to do"? Yeah. That whole struggle between the New Man and the Old Adam -- it's not a cake-walk. As Pastor says sometimes, "If you can choose to not sin, then why don't you??? It's pretty warped if you can choose to not sin, but you keep on sinning anyway!" Ah, but that's a tangent; it's not the topic of this post.

It's the fourth one that's got me wondering.

A couple of months ago, Pastor was telling us in Bible class of his musings while mowing the lawn. He suggested that we would indeed have free will in heaven. Why? Because Jesus is the perfect Man, and He freely and willingly does the will of His Father. He is not bound and chained and forced. He chooses to love sacrificially because it's what He really wants to do.

But that's Jesus. What about us? We sinners surely will need to be "stuck" in the No-Sin Mode, right? Otherwise, wouldn't we just head right back to our swill?

First, I don't think God wants robots in heaven. Does He want us to be bound (even in the good)? Or does He wish for us to love and serve Him freely?

Second, let's go back to that section of Romans. Just before Paul's talk about "Argh! I sin when I don't want to, and I don't do the good things I want to! I'm stuck!" we read, "We have been buried with Him through baptism into death. If we have been united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be of His resurrection." Jesus wasn't "stuck" doing the will of His Father; He did it freely, out of love. If we are like Him, if we are joined to Him, if we are His body, won't we also be so overwhelmed in heaven with the love and mercy of the Father that we will choose freely to serve Him? Can we even imagine a grace so humongous that it would be impossible to turn from it? Not because we are forced to it, but because no one would ever be fool enough to turn his back on it. A heart captured by love is very different from a heart captured by chains (or mind control).

Parkview Field

The ball park was right next door to our hotel in Fort Wayne. It is a most beautiful ball park! Way better than Miller Park or County Stadium or any other major league ball park I've seen. (So, I'm biased -- I much prefer minor league baseball.)


I love the look of the water bouncing in the splash pad in this snapshot! Oh, and the shadows of the water on the concrete! Cool!


"Mom, why are you taking my picture?!!?"


Trying to figure out which window in the hotel was our room.


Alia and Papa checking the computer. (This is not at the ball park. But you figured that out, didn't you?)

Hymns I Used to Like

There are hymns that I was never especially fond of. That's probably not unusual. What startles me is when I realize something used to be a favorite and now it's emphatically not. For instance, we haven't sung "Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus" or "Onward, Christian Soldiers" in decades, and that's fine with me. I was quite fond of "Immortal, Invisible, God Only Wise" about 20 years ago and memorized the whole thing, but I was quite relieved seven years ago to see that it wasn't slotted for the new hymnal.

Then there are others where one line troubles me. Most of the hymn is good, but one or two lines make me uncomfortable. For instance, compare the second stanzas of "Built on the Rock the Church Doth Stand" (LSB 465) and "Christ Is Made the Sure Foundation" (LSB 909). One says that God does not dwell in our church buildings, the other says He does. Another example is "We Praise You and Acknowledge You" (LSB 941) where it says "You opened heaven's kingdom to all who would believe." That can be understood rightly, but it's also too easy to understand it Calvinistically.

And then there are hymns that I liked very much when I was little (probably due mostly to the melody), and then didn't like, and now am back to liking again. "Lord of Glory, You Have Bought Us" used to have a stanza warning us that God would turn His love away from us if we didn't give alms and alleviate the suffering of the poor (TLH 442:4). Once I figured out what those words were saying, I grew to hate the whole hymn. When LSB was published, that stanza had disappeared, and the emphasis is more balanced between what Jesus has done to save us and how our charity flows from His goodness to us. And now I have grown to like the hymn again.

For Caseys

The picture Gary took because he loves the last two pictures in our wedding album: the parents exhausted but happy at the end of the day.

Pssst: Notice Colin's torn shirt. Gary
suggested that we might blame Jane for that.
But since this is [mostly] a G-rated blog, I'll
leave ornery comments to y'all on Facebook.

And some photos from Sunday afternoon:

For Rheins

Because I haven't figured out how to share pictures via Facebook .... here are a couple from the wedding.

Today's Laugh

I thought art imitated life, not that life imitated art.

We were watching the fish today at the aquarium at Discovery World. The fish swim under you, over you, next to you, as you stand in the tunnel.
A woman, watching the fish zip past under her feet and over her head, gasped to her companions, "It's almost like it's 3-D!"

YOU Seem To Be Doing a Good Job

Because we've reached one of those milestone anniversaries (the kind where most people have a party or go on a cruise or some big vacation to Hawaii or Europe) Gary and I went to APT last weekend. We attended a "Bard Talks" discussion on poetry, led by dear, wonderful David Daniel. (That was beyond awesome!!) Then we saw The Tempest. (That was okay.) Turns out that it was a teacher-appreciation night, and the theatre was packed.

So, the next morning at the bed & breakfast, Gary and I are, naturally, the oddballs. The homeschoolers in a dining room full of very nice teachers. "So how long have you been doing this?" "Why did you decide to homeschool?" "I just don't think many people have the ability to teach high-school chemistry and calculus." (Amazingly, now that I'm thinking back on it, the Socialization Question did not arise once all weekend. Bizarre!)

And of course there was the perennial, "YOU seem to be doing a good job of this. But not everybody can." There are many good responses to that statement, and Gary gave one. But something crossed my mind that hadn't before. What if we had turned the tables? "Well, YOU seem to be doing a good job in your position of teaching, but what about all those other teachers who don't care as much? Who don't teach the material and ensure kids comprehend it? Who allow kids to be bored by history? Who don't know how to identify the subject and verb in a simple sentence? Who choose reading material that is intentionally provocative and offensive to some parents? Who take a couple of weeks' vacation on school-days instead of going to Florida when school is out of session?"

I'm not saying that everyone who claims to be a homeschooler does an outstanding job. But neither will I assent to the claim that all teachers in conventional schools are doing a good job. Who should be judging whom? And is the failure rate among homeschoolers anywhere near the failure rate in conventional schools?

A Lutheran View of Contraception

It's quite rare to hear anyone speak aright about contraception. In our society today, even Christians fall into the trap of treating children like consumer objects, thinking that we decide when to make babies and when not to. Objecting to that error, some people are vocal that they believe any use of contraception to be sinful and that we ought to do a better job of trusting God to take care of these matters.

Pastor Stuckwisch wrote what is a most excellent perspective on the topic. It seems to me that there's no way to disagree with this paper without becoming either legalistic or antinomian.

Entertainment

Now that I'm fraternizing out the in The Real World, I hear a question I'm unaccustomed to: "So, do you have any big plans for the weekend?" There's also the corresponding statement: "I have to figure out what I'm going to do this weekend."

People are looking for events. Ball games. The state fair. Blues Fest. Camping. Opening weekend of a movie. Summer Fest. A barbecue with friends. The county fair. A trip to the cabin UpNorth. A parade. A thresheree. A wedding shower. Corn Fest. A bike rodeo. A couple of restaurants to try out. The customers and my co-workers have time on their hands, and there don't seem to be frequent enough events to fill up their weekends and days off.

I do not understand this.

For us, entertainment has to be squeezed into the schedule. We have tickets for the Cardinals game next week, but it's going to be wearying to go to the game. We want to go. We will enjoy going. But there's stress attached to it too. There's always work to be done. If there were no chores and big tasks to tackle [you're laughing at the nonsense of it, right?] it would be fabulous to sit around at home and just relax, reading a book, playing a game, singing at the piano, going for a walk.

HOW do these people have enough time available to them that they're having trouble hunting up enough events to amuse themselves without becoming bored bored bored? What am I doing wrong?

Not Technically My Kid

LaRena commented recently that it's wonderful to have all your kids around the dining room table. Oh, it IS!

But what's even more wonderful is having them all at church, in the same service. Doesn't matter to me if we sit together. We often have somebody in the front pew, another near the back, and several of us scattered through different sections of the choir. I have developed this mother-hennish habit that I will locate & count my kids during church. Who's here? Where are they? It takes a whoppin' couple of seconds. I don't do it every Sunday. But there is a pervasive joy when I notice that they're all there, or even that they're all there but one. So yesterday I'm doing a quick head-count shortly before the opening hymn:

Philip next to me. Andrew in front of me. Maggie a few down from Philip. Bethany (with Evan) near the back on the lectern side. Katie (with her three additions to the family) several pews behind me. That's five!

And then came the question mark in my brain. Wait -- Rachel's not here and Paul's not here. I have six kids. Six minus two is four. How come I counted five?

Suddenly tears of joy welled up: I'd counted Beppers. I don't know whether it's good or naughty. But I counted her as part of mine.




After a while I realized that I'd had the same experience with Anthea during symposium. And yes, Rachel, I realize you were there too, but I didn't know it yet when I was counting.

It's Not My Deficit

The other day, someone commented on how his paycheck was littler now. I expressed my sympathy.

Then he went on to tell me that he was a state employee and that Scott Walker's budget plan had kicked in and was affecting his paycheck now. He said, "I don't see why it's up to me to fix a deficit I didn't create."

Oh.

So when the economy was tanking, and Gary got a pay cut and this man got a pay raise, he wasn't helping create the deficit? When we pay hundreds of dollars each month for our health insurance, and this guy paid nothing, he wasn't helping create the deficit? When we have no pension plan, but we are paying for his pension plan (and he's not), he didn't help create the budget deficit?

Wow.

Sure, sure, I know the man wasn't the one voting for these perqs for himself and other state employees. I know that if I were in his shoes, I'd be taking the paycheck and benefits and not giving them back, just because people in the private sector were being paid less. I know that it's hard to have your paycheck cut, even if you're still being paid generously, because after all, it's less generously than you were paid last month, and that's not fun.

But still... he didn't help create the deficit?

I think we've all helped create the deficit. Pell Grants for our college kids. Social Security for the senior citizens. Libraries. Government subsidies for the arts. PBS. Tax money going to help build ball parks. WIC. Public schools. Medicare. I think even the most libertarian, small-government folks among us have helped create the deficit, even those of us who've been voting and lobbying against government expenditures.

But, c'mon, the guy who is upset that he is now having to spend HALF as much on his health insurance as I am? Sorry, bud -- whatever sympathy I had for your smaller paycheck is now gone.

Emissions Test

We now live in a place where the car has to pass an emissions test every couple of years before renewing the license plates. That's a tad inconvenient when the car is spending most of its time in another state, at your kid's college.

So we figured Paul would have the car tested when he came home for Bethany's wedding, pass the test, pay for the license-plate sticker, and return to college. Easy-breezy, eh?

Uh. No. The "check engine" light was on. So now I'm driving his car while we deal with repairs. He's driving mine. We'll have to switch back sooner or later, which will involve another twelve hours of driving. [sigh]

** But here's the point:
** You don't have to wait until the paperwork arrives to go get your emissions test. For those of you with cars out-of-area or out-of-state with your college-aged kids, you can have the car pass the emissions test any time within 180 days prior to the license renewal. Good grief -- that would certainly simplify things. You just go to the emissions-testing facility and they can look up your info from the database, give you your test and your pass-sheet, and then later you can renew your plates when it's time.

No trying to cram in repairs in the last couple of weeks before your license plates expire. I wish I'd known this months ago!

Hot Flashes

Global warming is not caused by SUV's, factories, or incandescent lightbulbs. The truth is that half the baby-boomers are going through menopause.

Caution: Automatic Doors

You spend quite a few days wandering about a hospital, with those magic doors that open themselves when they see you coming. You make occasional forays into the big wide world where there are grocery-store doors that likewise open magically upon your arrival. Same for the doors at rest stops along the highway.

And then you go to a gas station. When you try to leave the building, you stand there at the door and wait for it to magically open. It doesn't. What's the deal? Is it broken?

"Oh, it's just a regular door," you think sheepishly, as you use your own muscle-power to push open the door, desperately hoping the clerk and other customers did not notice.

This may or may not be a true story.

Dialysis Decision

My mom has had kidney problems since I was a kid. She spent a couple of years on dialysis before she received a kidney transplant. After 10 years, her kidney began to fail. Over the past half-year, her health has declined. Beginning in late April, her health has become much worse. In July, she became sick and ended up hospitalized after passing blood. She spent 11 days in the hospital, receiving transfusions, undergoing four scoping-procedures in an attempt to find out where she was bleeding. The bleeding ulcers stopped on their own. Mom was discharged from the hospital, but felt confused and unsettled at home. A couple of days later, a CT-scan showed that there had been a mini-stroke, and her lab work had declined seriously. She was rehospitalized on an IV of diuretics to take the swelling down.

So, the question of the weekend was whether to go back on dialysis or whether to refuse the treatment, which would result in death fairly soon. Would dialysis artificially put off a death which was rapidly overtaking her, or would dialysis be a simple treatment that would resolve many of her health problems?

After much input from many sources, Mom's decision was to try the dialysis for a while. The nephrologist was making the point that most of Mom's failing health is due to the uremia. Her body is being poisoned because her kidney is not functioning to clean out the icky stuff. He says her mental state, her strength, her edema, her appetite, and possibly even her ulcers can be fixed by cleaning out the toxins.

Mom is currently receiving an "ash splint catheterization" which will be used temporarily (that is, 2-6 months) for dialysis. The doctor hopes that she will begin to see increased strength and appetite and clarity-of-thought in a week, after maybe three dialysis treatments. They are hoping that, when she feels better about her thinking ability and decision-making ability, she will be able to decide whether she wishes to continue dialysis, and if so, whether she wishes to go with hemodialysis or peritoneal dialysis. We don't know yet if dialysis starts this afternoon or tomorrow. She has so much swelling/edema and so many toxins in her body, that she says dialysis will hurt a lot from the cramping.

So, for family members who've been wondering how it's going, that's where we stand for this week.

Heaven

I'm not sure what's going on at work, but there's been a lot of talk about ghosts, haunted houses, and heaven. One of the gals is reading about haunted houses in the area. Another just read a book about a little boy who had a near-death experience. She asked me if I'd read it. There was some compelling evidence for people to believe the little boy: when he was "out of his body" during a surgery, he saw things he could not have known otherwise.

But the kicker for me was that the parents suggested going by the hospital later, and the little boy didn't want to go. He remembered the angels singing, and sitting in Jesus' lap, and some other things. But, no, he did not want to go back to that place. Now, if he really went to heaven, then there would be no fear, no trepidation, no avoidance, of the remembrance or revisiting of the place.

I don't know what does happen in those situations, but if a person doesn't look forward to going "back to heaven," then he wasn't seeing heaven in the first place.

Orthaheel Loss

Back when I was buying my fancy-schmancy prescription orthotic inserts, they also sold me Orthaheel flipflops. I can wear them during summer to keep my feet cool and aired, and there is no pressure whatsoever on bunions ... because they're flipflops! My Orthaheels are the most comfortable thing I own, even better than my prescription inserts.

On Wednesday, I ruined them.

It was so sad. I usually put on my work-shoes in the parking lot at work, leaving my comfy shoes (whether the Orthaheels or the tennies-plus-inserts) in the car, to pop back onto my feet as soon as my work-day is finished. I don't know what was different on Wednesday than any of those other summer days, some of which were even hotter. The windows were rolled down in the car. Maybe this problem on Wednesday was that my Orthaheels were on the seat instead of the floor, and the sun could hit them directly?? Whatever it was, the inner sole shrank. It shrank so badly that it pulled itself away from the outer sole so that they weren't fully connected to each other.

Moral of the story: do NOT put your beloved Orthaheels in a place where they will be heated.

I'd heard the same thing about CD's and audio-tapes in hot cars during summer: they'll get ruined. But I want to listen to my music. During those wicked-hot days a few weeks ago, I ruined one song on a Kantorei CD -- the song that was on "play" when I turned off the car in the bank parking lot. A whole day of heat, and that song was shot. I don't know why just the one song, but that's what happened.

I've got to learn to be more careful of what's tucked into my vehicle on hot summer days.



(I was pleased with Zappo's. When I discovered that my podiatrist did not have Orthaheels currently available, I ordered online. The box arrived in less than 24 hours. Wow! I was disappointed to find that someone had inadvertently put the wrong size into the right-sized box. That wasn't Zappo's fault; it was probably a customer goof-up. So I'm still waiting for my beloved flipflops. Nevertheless, Zappo's service in phenomenal.)

A Good Thing About Homeschooling

Our church's school is wonderful. If it had been nearby and available when my kids were little, I would have had a hard time deciding between the benefits of the school versus the different benefits of homeschooling. But I gotta say, there is one awesome thing about homeschooling.

My kids like each other.

I don't know that it was necessarily homeschooling that "did it." I think our living in places where there weren't neighborhood friends available played into the mix. I think not starting out siblinghood with a long absence from Mommy (with the obstetric hospital stay) probably had an effect. I remember my mom commenting, way back when there were only four kids, about how nicely they got along and how little sibling rivalry there was. She said it was probably because they HAD to get along -- who else did they have to play with?? And there's some truth to that. I remember coming down hard on the rare squabbling; I don't know how I did it, but I didn't permit them to not get along.

And they like each other. They choose to spend time with each other. They look forward to seeing each other.

One of the greatest gifts my kids have ever given me is that they like their brothers and sisters! What joy to a mother! Thank you, Rachel, Philip, Katie, Paul, Andrew, and Maggie. You make me happy to be your mom.

Five Years

And the two shall become one flesh
(or one flesh, and then one flesh again,
because I see two cute, laughing girls here)

Preserving a Christian Home

An excellent speech by Dort Preus. (It's written, not audio. It's not a quickie-read, but it's lovely enough that the time reading it is worth it.)

King James Version

Amazing! Sitting here next to me, at my mom's house, is the Bible my aunt gave my mom when she was 18. No copyright page. No listing of what version it is. No publication date. No publisher listed. Just the Bible. Period.

It seems very weird today.
But there are some excellent things about having one version that everybody knew and shared!