Today's Laugh

As firefighters, we are required to wear our full bunker gear on all safety calls, even to advise homeowners of a county ordinance against burning leaves after dark. Last Halloween, two co-workers waited on the porch of one such offending household, helmets in hand, until a woman finally opened the door. Promptly dropping a candy bar into each helmet, she remarked, "You boys are a little old for this sort of thing, aren't you?" and closed the door.

Today's Laugh

What is a vampire's favorite fast food?

A guy with very high blood pressure.


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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No! They eat the fingers separately.


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What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

Squash.


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Why do ghosts shiver and moan?

It's drafty under that sheet.

Indulgences

We visited Holy Hill the other day to see the beautiful art work, to see the beautiful countryside, to climb the tower, and to be outside in the sun. While there, we ran across the "apostolic penitentiary decree." It tells us that the pope has established this year as a special Year for Priests.

As I read over the decree, I see that I have earned a plenary indulgence. In other words, according to the pope, I don't have to go to purgatory. Gee, without even trying to check off the items on the list, I just happened to have done the things for the Go-Straight-To-Heaven indulgence. How 'bout that?

Actually, if you believe that you can do things to merit heaven, if you accept the idea of indulgences, this seems a lot better than what Tetzel was doing when he crassly sold indulgences for cash. After all, the pope is asking that Christians be repentant, that they go to the Lord's Supper, that they go to confession, and that they pray for the priests' faithful ministry and faithful lives. Those are good things. We certainly join them in their prayers:

(TLH page 112)
To preserve Your pastors and ministers in the true knowledge and understanding of Your word, and in holiness of life, we beseech You to hear us, good Lord.

(TLH 485)
The servants Thou hast called
and to Thy Church art giving
preserve in doctrine pure
and holiness of living.
Thy Spirit fill their hearts,
endue their tongues with power:
what they should boldly speak,
oh, give them in that hour!

(TLH 493)
Oh, may Thy pastors faithful be,
not laboring for themselves, but Thee!
Give grace to feed with wholesome food
the sheep and lambs bought by Thy blood,
to tend Thy flock, and thus to prove
how dearly they the Shepherd love.

Today's Laugh

It was Halloween night when a driver called our road-service dispatch office complaining that he was locked out of his car. I forwarded the information to a locksmith, along with one more detail: the car was parked at a nudist colony. Of course, the locksmith arrived in record time. But when he called in later, he wasn't amused. "Figures," he said. "I finally get to go to a nudist colony, and they're having a costume party!"

"I Can Read" books

Sam the Minuteman (Revolutionary War, colonists' side)
George the Drummer Boy (Revolutionary War, British side)
The Boston Coffee Party (Revolutionary War)

Chang's Paper Pony (CA gold rush)
Josephina and the Story Quilt (1850, emigrating to CA)
Follow the Drinking Gourd (underground railroad)
Buffalo Bill and the Pony Express (1860)
Long Way to a New Land (1868, Swedish immigrants)
Long Way Westward (1869)

First Flight (1903)
One Bad Thing about Father (Teddy Roosevelt)
Clara and the Bookwagon (1905)
Dust for Dinner (1930s)
Hill of Fire (Mexican volcano, date ?)


Millicent Selsam's
Let's Get Turtles
Plenty of Fish
Greg's Microscope
Seeds and More Seeds

Today's Laugh

A few days into retirement, his wife asked him, "So what are you going to do today?"

The man answered, "Nothing."

"But you did nothing yesterday," said the wife.

"True. But I'm not finished yet."

Lasagna Pan

I've been looking for a lasagna pan for years. Today I found a set of Anchor-Hocking bakeware at Aldi. A three-pan set (8x11", 9x13", and 11x15") for ten bucks. The large dish alone is worth more than $10 to me. If you need a 5-quart baking pan, hurry to Aldi this week.

Today's Laugh

Two blondes are walking along the beach together. One gasps and says, "Look at that dead bird!" The other looks up and asks, "Where?"

Militant Peace

Sounds rather oxymoronic, doesn't it?

The concluding petitions to this week's collect are that the heavenly Father would defend us against all enemies of the Word and would bestow upon Christ's Church Militant His saving peace.

Peace. What kind of militancy exudes peace, anyway???

I guess that would be the "militancy" of a church that is beaten up and ridiculed and mocked ... and which finds her peace not in what she sees or experiences but in the promises of her Lord.

White Bread

All those bagels made of white bread a couple of weeks ago, in addition to non-whole-wheat noodles, gunked me up in my head and throat. Finally got back to normal. Then Saturday morning we had French toast with the last of the white bread, and Saturday evening we ate buns that were only 1/3 whole wheat and the rest white. And then last night at a potluck I ate enough brownies to compensate for the political discussion around the table. Now I'm coughing and stuffy.

Dang it. I think I'm slowly learning the lesson that I simply cannot do white flour anymore. It stinks getting old. Good-bye, donuts. Farewell, yummy cookies. Boo-hoo and whine-whine.

Today's Laugh

Seen on a bumper sticker:

If you can read this,
my caravan's fallen off.

More Pictures from August

Alia locked up in her carseat on the move to Texas:

A very fuzzy picture of Katie and Alia at the gas station where the beer distributor gave me free Bud Lime:

At that same gas station, Alia was greatly enjoying driving the play racecar. I thought it would be fun for her if we put quarters in the machine and gave her a ride. I was wrong. She was not pleased.

At the hotel -- a toilet to flush and toilet paper to unroll. Ahhhhh, heaven!

Their new place is the first floor, the left half of the picture:

The immediate neighborhood:

The family in a farewell picture at the airport:

Depression

It was interesting to me to notice Psalm 31:
My eye wastes away with grief,
yes, my soul and my body.
For my life is spent with grief,
and my years with sighing;
my strength fails because of my iniquity,
and my bones waste away.


And then in Psalm 25 we read:
Look on my affliction and my pain
and forgive all my sins.


This is reflected in many other scripture passages. For some reason, though, these jumped out at me recently. It's almost like the psalmist admits that sin has physical consequences, and that the absolution is God's response even when the problem is physical or temporal ... almost like forgiveness is what's most important to Him.

Today's Laugh

My son, objecting to the "demotion" of Pluto so that we are no longer supposed to call it a planet:

Don't you dare say Pluto is not a planet. Dwarf people are still people. So a dwarf planet is still a planet.