Today's Laugh

Quite a hoot! Go check out the piece on Not a Martha-Stewart Thanksgiving.

Just to whet your appetite, and to give you incentive to go read the whole thing, here are two paragraphs. The first follows on the heels of the paragraph which revealed that at 5am the turkey was still frozen solid enough to cut diamonds:

As accompaniment to the children’s recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don’t own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.


And another section, which explains quite well why we don't have those Norman-Rockwell moments at our Thanksgiving table:

Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress “private” meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.