Saturday, February 23, 2008

Coping

My friend Elephant's Child has been writing recently about her experiences fleeing leaving Africa and coming back to live in the States. In one of her posts this week on the topic, she stated: Gradually it dawned on us that we hadn't even truly been aware of the intensity of strain we'd been under until now, now that it was gone. Still, it was almost harder now. Tears came at strange times.

It reminded me of a much smaller experience many moms have had. One of the kids is injured. Mom does all the right things: pressure on the bleeding cut, ice-pack to reduce swelling, getting the kid to ER, telling the story repeatedly to nurses and doctors, comforting the frightened child, going home with the instructions to watch for signs of infection. Mom does what needs doing. She holds up. She manages to do what needs to be done for those who depend on her.

And then, the next day, she accidentally breaks a glass, or one of the kids spills a quart of milk, and Mom loses it. She falls to pieces. Somebody tries to comfort her that it's just a little accident, that it's easily mended, that it's gonna be okay. And that only makes it worse, because she knows it just a little accident and that she shouldn't be crying or losing her temper or whatever. But it's not the broken glass or spilled milk, it's the incident of the previous day that's getting to her.

I suppose it's good to be able to hold up during the crisis, even if a person falls apart later. But it's pretty unexplainable when it appears that such little difficulties can take somebody down when they've managed to make it through so many bigger problems.

8 comments:

  1. Sounds a little like PTSD.

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  2. But isn't that something BIG that comes from things like being in wars and stuff?

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  3. It is a strange thing that I don't understand either but I think Moms get it during the delivery of our first child. We handle the big things with grace and coolness but the fear, anger, whatever, inside has to get out eventually. So it waits until the storm is over and the little everyday annoyance becomes the crisis. I don't like it or understand it but I guess that is how we are there with strength for our loved ones when we need to be.

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  4. But isn't that something BIG that comes from things like being in wars and stuff?

    Yeah, you find it there too.

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  5. You have been going through some VERY BIG stuff. And for a long time!

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  6. Thanks for the link and comments.

    Perhaps there needs to be a rating system for PTSD, to acknowledge that it has different intensities!

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  7. PTSD can result from any stressful situation, especially one that goes on for a long time.

    I'm pretty convinced that I have it wrt serving as a full-time pastor. It manifests itself in every little negative experience being perceived as the end of the world or something.

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  8. Susan,
    Let me just say... I can relate. I don't know how many times in the last month or so I have used Jenny's words exactly. I don't think we knew how much stress we were under until we were gone.

    I agree, PSTD has many causes and many levels of intensity.

    Wendi

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