Leif Erikson went on a voyage. After several years, his wife noticed that his name was no longer on the village registery. She went in to ask about it: "Have you taken Leif off your census?"
A fly buzzed around the barn while the farmer was milking. That obnoxious bug went right into the cow's ear, and then shot out into the milk bucket. It was in one ear and out the udder.
Two cannibals meet in the jungle. One tells the other that he found a couple of monks the day before. He captured the missionaries, took them home, and boiled them. But they tasted terrible. The other cannibal said, "There's your problem! Those were friars."
The snail went to the used car shop. He found the smallest car on the lot. He checked with the salesman to make sure it was fast. He agreed to buy it if he could have a big "S" painted on the side of the car. When the salesman asked why, the snail responded that he wanted to hear people say, "Look at that little S-car go."
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