More than 17 years ago, Gary had made the decision to leave Wautoma. We were making our first trip to the new home, to visit, to check out the parsonage, to meet the people at Triune. I remember driving down the highway as we approached what would soon be our new home. I remember thinking about this new-to-us landscape, this unfamiliar territory, that someday these farms and fields and roads would signal, "We're almost home!"
It didn't come fast. It took a long long time before that place felt like home. Even after five years, I still thought with longing of the previous parsonage, considering that village and that house to be "home." (We'd lived in the first parsonage for less than 4 years.) When we would go upstate to the annual Wisconsin homeschool conference, we'd swing by the old stomping grounds, and still feel very much "at home" years later. By the time we'd been at the "new" place for about 10 years, I began to feel at home. The roads and farms nearby actually were a sign that we were approaching HOME.
That at-home feeling is coming much faster here. Already there is that deep & comfortable acknowledgment within me that we're "almost home" when we've gotten to within 10 minutes of the house. There's already an "out of place" feeling when I have to go back to the area around the old house for an errand, like this used to be my home. (However, I still am very mixed up in how I refer to which house as "home," going back and forth.)
Anyway, last Thursday when the septic was installed, the previous owner stopped by. (She was the one who contracted with the company who did the work.) It was nice to chat with her and find out that those trees weren't crab apples but were cherries, and when she planted the tulips, and where the garden used to be. But I also thought it was interesting that she's not settled and comfortable in her new home. It's been six months since they moved, and she's still thinking of this place as home. She's wishing they hadn't moved after all.
A couple of hours later, Pastor stopped by. He is a neighbor to the realtor we worked with. Back in March, the realtor would mention how exciting it was that we were moving and buying a house. I was always a little leery, feeling that we'd sort of been pushed into this decision. And then one time she acknowledged the unsettledness that can come from moving. She admitted that it took her six months before she began to feel like their new home (15 years ago) was actually "home." She said it was a gorgeous house, and that it was a wise decision as far as family needs and finances and many other things. But it was still harder on her emotionally than she thought the move should've been. When I mentioned that to Pastor, he couldn't quite figure it out; he thought it would be miiiighty easy to get used to his neighbor's very-nice house. :-)
So maybe this is a girl-thing. Maybe there's something about women and their homes and the attachment they have to those places. Regardless, I feel like maybe I'm a little ahead of the curve on this one, feeling settled faster than these other two women whose stories came up last Thursday, and much faster than I was after our previous move! I think that's why the decision of where to buy groceries yesterday seemed so BIG to me.
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After 2 years in this valley I'm just starting to feel like maybe this is home. The problem is that I've never felt like any of the places we have lived in have been home. It could be a consequence of moving so often, the longest we've been in one place is 2.5 years. I'm happy to hear that you are settling in so well :)
ReplyDeleteSusan, having moved many times..I've always looked forward with great anticipation to our new homes..realizing soon after, each time, that it wasn't yet home. We'd become acclimated to each area, physically, pretty quickly..but it was the circumstances that prevented each place from being home. I daresay that your last "home" emotionally had stopped being that place of comfort and stability years ago.
ReplyDeleteKim and Lauri, I know both of you have moved frequently. When you know it's coming, though, like during college and sem days, it's a little easier. You make use of the place you have, knowing that it's not going to be home. I really admired the way Kim could work at making improvements to the places you were. And like Lauri said, there was something preventing us emotionally from seeing the parsonage as home ... as we knew after a year there that the congregation expected us to be on our way out the door within 3-4 years. That led to some unsettledness until we realized that that wasn't gonna be okay with God. Then we could begin to think of that particular place as home.
ReplyDeleteWhat's difficult now is whether this place is going to remain home. I have to believe it is. I have to. Otherwise I won't be able to plant asparagus or bother with putting shelves up where I want them, etc etc. And yet people keep saying that Gary's name should be on call lists, and that maybe he needs a break of 6-12 months. And I think in panic, "That means we'd have to move again. Soon." Right now I don't even want to consider that possibility. Even if it comes, I'm better off right now conniving myself into believing that it won't come. I like stability. I don't like change. I want to be settled in my home.
Kim, what I meant to say in the earlier note was that, yeah, I think two years seems about right. But when we were in school, moving nearly every year, there was something about that where you knew it was temporary, which made the temporariness easier. I'm glad your new place is feeling like yours now.
ReplyDeleteI used to think I was really adaptable; after all, I was a missionary kid! But I realised that everytime I moved back "home" to the States, I wasn't reaaallly moving - I was coming to the states on a 12 month extended vacation after which I moved back home - to Africa.
ReplyDeleteWe've been here at this house three years, and it *still* feels like this house is fighting us, and fighting me. It doesn't feel like "mine" yet.
I wonder sometimes how long it will take! It's been harder than I ever imagined it would be.
One of my biggest pet peeves is when people call Dallas "home" to me. It's so not!
ReplyDeleteAnd I love your new house and I'm way thrilled that you're feeling at home there!
I'm so glad you're settling into your new place. I think it is a "woman" thing. I also think that it becomes home as you make memories in it.
ReplyDeleteHaving spent nearly 20 years in the last home, we made so many memories there that it was very hard to let go. OTOH, we had no choice, so we did it.
I hope you get lots of good cherries from your trees! They're saying the cherry crop up here will not be so good this year because of the weather. We're a few hours north of you, though, so hopefully it's a different story by you.
Sounds like God blessed you all with a lovely new home :)