Senate Race

Woo hoo and yee haw and yippety yay!!!

Somebody is running for senate! I've been on the anybody-but-Feingold bandwagon ever since he ran the first time against Kasten in 1992. It may have been hold-your-nose-and-vote. But so far, at least Feingold's opponents have been a little more in favor of smaller government and a little less in favor of abortion rights.

This year it looks like there might actually be a good candidate running. Look up Ron Johnson from Oskhosh. See what you think. I haven't found out much yet, but what I've seen gives me hope!

Forty Days Later

Ascension. Jesus ascends the throne. He goes to where His Father is. 40 days after the high holy day of Easter.

The Presentation. The Lord suddenly appears in His temple (Malachi 3). Jesus is presented to the Lord in His holy place. 40 days after the high holy day of Christmas.

I think that's cool.

Ascension Collect

Our hymn of the week is "A Hymn of Glory Let Us Sing." I've been missing terribly the stanza left out of LSB, verse 5 in TLH:

Oh, grant us thitherward to tend
and with unwearied hearts ascend
unto Thy kingdom's throne, where Thou,
as is our faith, art seated now. Alleluia!

Through the week we have been praying --as normal-- Sunday's collect. Last night and this morning we switched to the Ascension collect:

Almighty God, as Your only-begotten Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, has ascended into the heavens, grant that we also in heart & mind ascend and with Him there continually dwell.

Hey!
Hey, wait a minute!

Those two are the same thing! (If you doubt whether they're the same, take a peek at the TLH version of the collect.)

No wonder I've been missing that stanza of the hymn.

Today's Laugh

A Sunday School teacher was telling his class the story of the Prodigal Son. Wishing to emphasize the resentful attitude of the elder brother, he laid stress on this part of the parable. After describing the rejoicing of the household over the return of the wayward son, Dexter spoke of one who, in the midst of the festivities, failed to share in the jubilant spirit of the occasion. "Can anybody in the class," he asked, "tell me who this was?" One of the children had been listening sympathetically to the story. She waved her hand in the air. "I know!" she said beamingly. "It was the fatted calf."

Today's Laugh

Five cannibals were appointed as engineers in a defense company. During the welcoming ceremony, the boss said, "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat. So please don't trouble any of the other employees." The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later the boss returned and said, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with all of you. However, one of our janitors has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to him?" The cannibals all shook their heads no.

After the boss left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which of you idiots ate the janitor?" A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader replied, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Supervisors, and Project Managers, and no one noticed anything. Then YOU had to go and eat the janitor!"

Noise in the Chimney

When we started hearing noise in the chimney today, I went to investigate. Andrew asked what I was going to do when I opened the flue and a bird or bat came flying out at me. Uh, ... scream of course.

Funny. Andrew thought screaming was a less-than-ideal response.

He got the old rabbit cage. It was just big enough to cover almost the whole opening of the fireplace. So the cage blocked the fireplace opening. The flue was opened. The bird made a break for it and landed in the trap. Rosie thought this was a highly interesting development in place of her regular nap.

Since Maggie and I are studying birds this spring, I wanted to get a good up-close look at our specimen. But when the bird appeared too panicked to worry about Rosie, we took the cage outside and removed the cover. Bye-bye birdie!

Today's Laugh

In a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first-class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first-class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman, asking her to please move out of the first-class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York, and I'm not moving."

The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this."

He went to the first-class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?"

Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally persuaded her to move from her seat. He said, "I told her the first-class section wasn't going to New York."

You Must Be Rich

Once upon a long time ago, one of the young moms at church commented about the pastors being rich. The evidence? They both had stay-at-home wives taking care of three babies/preschoolers each. No matter that we were doing without a lot of things that other people had. No matter that we cooked from scratch and drove old cars and didn't pay the day-care provider to watch the kids while we didn't work the jobs we didn't have.

Stay-at-home moms run into this attitude frequently. Usually it's no big deal, because what does it matter what other people think?

But last week I ran into a problem. We ended up with a car being repaired by someone other than our regular mechanic. I had a rough idea of what it was going to cost. When he called last week to let me know that the brakes needed work too, he told me the car would be ready Monday. So did I work first shift or second? He wanted to know what time to phone and let me know about picking up the car. I said he could call any time; I don't have a job; I stay home with the kids. Ah. Hmm.

I was not surprised when he called today and he ran into some problems that took more time and were harder to repair than he'd anticipated. So the price was a little higher. Still under the estimate he gave me on Friday. But quite a bit more than I'd been led to believe two weeks ago. Now, he may be telling the absolute truth. But my gut suspects that maybe I'm one of those idle rich folks who can afford to pay more to the working man.

As I was pondering this and my mind is reeling over what outsiders might think, I realized that homeschooling my kids has saved between $900,000 and $1,000,000 for the taxpayers. Also, I ponder jobs and how huge a salary I'm going to have to earn so as not to end up further in the hole by working than I am by staying home and being frugal. But to the neighbors, to the people around who look on unknowingly, I'm at home during the day. I must be eating bonbons and watching the boob tube while my filthy-rich husband rakes in the big bucks.

Today's Laugh

One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!!"

Today's Laugh

A woman went into her kitchen to find a burglar loaded down with a bunch of stuff he was stealing from her kitchen. Not having any kind of weapon to scare him off, she raised her hand and said "Acts 2:38," and proceeded to quote scripture.

The burglar froze in place and didn't move. The woman called 911. The police arrived and were amazed to find the burglar still frozen where he stood.

"What did you say to him that kept him from moving?" they asked the woman.

She told them that she had simply said Acts 2:38 and quoted scripture.

The police chuckled and escorted the burglar out to the patrol car. "Why did the woman's quoting scripture scare you so much?" they asked.

"Scripture?" said the burglar, "I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!"

WPA Conference

The statewide homeschool conference is today. It used to be a given that we'd be there. We saw friends. We collected ideas. We were energized in our decision to homeschool. We led workshops. We purchased goodies from the curriculum fair. It was a highlight of our year for nearly twenty years.

This is the fourth year in a row we have been unable to go. That constitutes a huge change in my life.

Not only that, but I am not as distraught over missing this conference as it seems I would expect. When I see the cool workshops, I know those ideas are for bygone days -- just like when I see awesome baby toys or puzzles or dollies that nobody in my house is interested in. In these waning years of homeschooling, wonderful new school ideas are more burdensome than stimulating.

As we approach the end of our homeschooling years, I find that there is less joy in it. When the older kids were finishing up their high school years, there were always younger ones around who still had time to pursue their passions, read and discuss books and music and ideas. There was still lots of self-motivated learning that grabbed our attention. That provided balance to the family. Nowadays, it seems like we're just trying to jump through others' hoops, whatever hoops may be necessary for college and career and jobs. Our homeschooling efforts now are focused on making the kids acceptable to the outside world. That takes so much of the joy out of homeschooling; we are no longer learning for the sake of taking pleasure in learning. Now we do what "they" expect us to do. And that is like a monstrous vacuum cleaner, sucking delight out of our school days. Almost like a dementor.

And just think: that's how most students spend almost all their school years, doing what they must to keep Somebody happy, seldom experiencing the thrills of learning for learning's sake.

Today's Laugh

How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They can't get up that high!

Compost

A lot of creeping charlie, dandelions, and thistles have been weeded out of the berry patches. Personally, I have no desire to put thistles and dandelions into my compost pile. They say that a proper compost pile will generate enough heat while decomposing so that weed seeds are rendered sterile. I doubt my compost heat is proper.

So what to do with all those dandelion roots and thistles? Seemed reasonable to get rid of them. Y'know, like as if they were GARBAGE. Bagged 'em up. Put 'em out with the trash. Garbage man came and took the trash ... and left the bags of nasty weeds.

When I called town hall to see what was up, they told me the rule is that no compost materials can go into the garbage. It must all go to the town's compost pile. But ... but ... but ... that means if I take compost from the town's heap o' compost, I'm going to be taking nasties. Wow, I'm glad I never got around to picking up compost last year.

Several years ago my friend Sandy got compost or mulch from her city. There had been poison ivy in it. Unbeknownst to her, Sandy contaminated her flower beds with poison ivy oils. For a couple of years, she contracted a rotten case of poison ivy when she went outside to work around the house. That fear niggled at the back of my mind last year and prevented me from taking public compost. Now that I know the rules about No Yard Waste In The Garbage, there ain't no way I'm taking public compost. If I can't make my own compost, I'd rather have stale, used-up, tired dirt, or buy chemical fertilizer.

Today's Laugh

One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 mph.

He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five little old Indian ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old Indian woman says a bit proudly.

The state police officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask ... Is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.

"Oh, they'll be all right, officer. We just got off Route 119."

1984

In 1984, George Orwell wrote about a society where there was no privacy. Homes and offices were bugged. Everything people said and did was recorded.

That sounds bad.

But compare that to what we've got today. On Facebook and elsewhere on the internet, we digitally record our conversations, our opinions, our likes and dislikes, and whom we associate with. We post information about birthdays, anniversaries, locations, and employers. I was thinking that this is worse than Orwell's scenario because today --in real life-- we not only have our conversations recorded, but with the power of the computer, everything we say or like or comment upon can be archived, searched, sorted, and analyzed. With the click of a button or two, particular snippets of conversation can be lifted out of gazillions of sentences written by millions of people.

Tonight Nathan sent me a link to an article explaining the technicalities of recent Facebook changes. One sentence says, "The API now includes a search function so developers can finally mine the 25 billion things that the 400 million FB users are sharing each month."

Yup. That's exactly what I've been pondering. I've been considering deleting my Facebook account. And yet, I like seeing friends' pictures. Even if I opt out of conversations, I'm still desirous of seeing pictures. Is that important enough to me to willingly submit to Big Brother's surveillance activities?

Today's Laugh

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies, and her mother told her "no." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long."

He passed the mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, "There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out."

The man happened to be behind the pair in the checkout line, where the little girl began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering her mother would not buy any gum. "Ellen, we'll be through this checkout stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap," the mother said.

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen," he said.

The mother replied, "My little girl's name is Tammy. I'm Ellen."

Today's Laugh

Bill and George are bungee-jumping one day. Bill says to George, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." George thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. More and more people gather to watch them at work. As they complete their set-up, they decide to demonstrate to the potential customers what fun it is to bungee jump. Bill goes first. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, George notices that Bill has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, George isn't able catch him and pull him back onto the platform before Bill plummets for another bounce. When Bill comes back up again, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, George misses him.

Bill falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up; he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, George finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Bill says, "No, the cord was fine. But what the heck is a 'pinata'?"

Today's Laugh

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have, pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

Today's Laugh

When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself. "Help wife more. Lose weight. Be more productive at work."

I promptly added to the list: "Send Michelle money every month."

A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason."

Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep."

Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."

Today's Laugh

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu:

Tourist -- $5
Broiled Missionary -- $10
Fried Explorer -- $15
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican -- $100

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politicians?"

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of crap, it takes all morning."