Plowing Ahead Blindly

It's one of those days where the failures seem insurmountable, and I wonder why I even try instead of just lying on the couch, watching movies, drinking.

Usually life passes and I'm content enough to keep plowing ahead.  Just do the laundry, put the food on the table, keep the cluttered pigsty from becoming too dirty or too cluttered, go to work, squeeze in some school for Maggie.  No thinking.  Just doing.  And no stopping. 

But today.  For some reason, today I'm thinking of all the other things that need doing.  How will I ever manage any garden work?  What about real cleaning, like shampooing the carpet or fixing the drywall on that one spot in the ceiling?  I want to play piano.  I want to watch movies.  I want to go for a walk.  I want to lie in the sun and read some books.  There are a couple of projects for church that I'm itching to do (one that needs to be finished in four weeks).  And somehow, this kind of mood always makes me unhappy with the shabbiness of my rugs and my old-fashioned storage spaces and the ugly paint in the bathroom and the cobwebs draped across undone projects tucked in the corners of the basement.

Today I spent a couple of hours with Maggie, trying to put together a gift for someone, and it turns out that it won't work and we're back to square one.  We still need to find a gift, and those hours were for naught.  I need to go to a meeting with Gary tonight, and I need to put on my non-introvert facade.  I need to do a grocery run for soft foods, so that Little Miss Swollen Cheeks will have ice cream and sherbet for her sore jaws tomorrow.  Because of an overbooked calendar (a calendar that is so empty of events that many of y'all would covet it) for these few weeks I have three days at home to do all the regular work that I usually struggle to accomplish in eight days. 

Plus, right now there are thinking things to do.  I have to be prepared for a meeting with the school psychologist on Monday, as we have asked the school for an evaluation for special education services (anticipating the need for transition services and some sort of government-provided health insurance for Maggie someday).  Also, Gary has applied for a different position at his company, which would be a significant change from what he does now.  These and other matters require thought, deliberation, planning, and research.  And you can't just squeeze that in around the edges as you plow ahead blindly.  And yet, if you stop (!) and think and give something serious consideration, all that other daily stuff isn't being accomplished. 

I feel whiny.

Well, the living room was cleaned.  And next week we go back to having chapel every morning.  Now maybe I should see if I can find the bedroom under the piles of papers and herds of dust bunnies.