They say that people that lived through the Great Depression learned to make do, but that for decades afterward it had an effect on the way they viewed possessions and frugality. But I think I've developed that depression-era mentality. I had to be in the mall today (to pick up a free item designed to entice us into the store to spend money) and was really rather offended by all the consumerism, the cookie store, the food court, all the clothes and shoes and jewelry and technological devices. Last week when I did paper route, I was offended by the amount of Halloween decorations out. Not because of the gore, but because of the sheer amount of dollars spent on something as frivolous as Halloween decorations. This does not set well with me that I think this: I'm too much the free-enterprise, conservative believer-in-capitalism to have these viewpoints. But there are so many things like that. I simply cannot comprehend that people have enough money to spend $20/week/child on music lessons. I simply cannot comprehend that some families do Disneyland every year. It's beyond me that I know people with antique cars or sports cars that they have just for fun. I am dumbfounded by the socializing at a bar (with $5 drinks) at pastors' conferences.
Weird thing is that I don't resent people for what they have. I just feel like such a foreigner, such a misfit, such a freak.
And I'm not sure what to do about decluttering. I'm afraid that sometimes I want to take things to Goodwill that anybody else would consider to be complete garbage, whereas I'm thinking there's still some good use left in something. When people give us hand-me-downs (like school workbooks that are 2/3 used already) I feel obliged to make use of them. When you simply cannot take the risk that you might have to buy a replacement for something 2-3 years down the road, it's very hard to let go of Stuff.
A friend was home on leave from Afghanistan. His mom told how the family attended a wedding, and her son was just kinda shocked by the amount that was spent on the wedding and reception. He knew what it could've done for the kids and the families where he was stationed over there. And to some extent I agree. Yet I think it's perfectly reasonable that people enjoy the blessings God provides. In our family we have some indulgences (DSL for the computer, and rental DVDs) that aren't necessary but that we enjoy.
It's one thing to be frugal when you have no choice. What I'm seeing in myself (and what kind of worries me) is that I'm not going to be able to let go of this. If I should someday have a decent income, I don't think it will be possible for me to spend it on clothes or interior decorating or high-quality appliances. When a whole generation of people had this depression-era mentality, people understood each other's hang-up. But for somebody my age to think like this, that just makes me a complete misfit.
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You? A misfit? Yawn, NOT news!
ReplyDelete:-D
But why does it make you worry?
Well here's another misfit. I can't bear to go into the malls anymore. Last time we went, a few years ago, I remarked to my girls, "I feel like I'm on another planet." It was weird. I didn't feel that way as a teenager or young adult, but have grown into it by years of frugality.
ReplyDeletePaula
Misfit? Maybe...but since when does that mean you are in the wrong. I'd rather think you're being conservative, thinking about the future rather than being wasteful.
ReplyDeleteThere is a lot of modern "conservatism" that does not really conserve anything, but is, in fact, quite wasteful. Is that something to aspire to?
Maybe that is just my equally misfit point of view!
Ever see the movie Brewster's Millions?
ReplyDeleteI am with you totally when it comes to being dumbfounded at the things people spend money on (especially the Halloween and even the Christmas decorations). We struggle so just to pay for the basics--food, clothing, coffee and chess lessons (yes, in our house, coffee and chess are basics--thank goodness the piano lessons come free!)--that many of the things that are considered basics by others (like furniture or toilets or vacations or magazine subscriptions or fast food or entertainment) require extensive budgetary study to see what can be cut in order to allow for the additional expenditure. So when I see or hear of people spending money on things like the outside decorations or collectibles or designer clothing I too feel like something of an oddball. However, my dear Susan, you and I part ways when it comes to spending. Were somebody to hand me a big wad of cash I would have no difficulty thinking of a myriad of ways of spending it and then going out and doing so. So if that windfall ever does come your way, I hereby volunteer to be your personal shopper. You shall not continue in your misfit ways as long as I'm around! :-)
ReplyDeleteJeff, I don't recall ever seeing that movie.
ReplyDeleteCheryl, you are being wisely frugal. You haven't had your personality changed, such that you have a deep-seated feeling (be it true or false) that you're going to need that money for food someday soon, and therefore can't fritter it away on something that's not essential.
Scott asked "why worry?" Because it's not just a matter of being in the Misfit Club with Paula and Marie. It's being told that our being such misfits is damaging to the church. We don't go to the plays at the high school and the football games. We don't socialize at all the other church's fund-raising dinners, or belong to the Lions or the 4-H or other community groups. We can't afford the dues and activities, for one. Also, we are very busy (such as cooking from scratch and not hiring-out a lot of jobs that most people pay for) just trying to make ends meet, and don't have the time to be involved in all these non-essential community activities. So we're recluses, I guess. And we are so different that, when we do participate in community activities, we're seen as different. (Either we "be ourselves" and the differences really show up, or we try to blend in and be unoffensive, but then have to be rather "guarded" and so appear stand-offish.)
So when you get down to it, being a misfit is okay with me. But it's not okay with the Church Council that I am a misfit. All the problems at church would dissolve away if only the congregation had normal people as the pastor and his family.
I think being appalled by waste and finding ways to use things up is not a bad thing: it's actually being a good steward of what you've been given.
ReplyDeleteI also believe that those of us who are frugal and hate waste are better prepared for the future.
My grandma, who raised four kids as a single mom during the Great Depression, left me one of her prized possessions: a bag of metal zippers she'd cut from old clothes. She'd already given us a couple of beautiful braided rugs she'd made from said clothes :)
Enjoy being a misfit...there are a lot of us out here!
Oh, and you should rent the movie if you get a chance.
ReplyDelete(If this is a dupe, delete it...the word verification looked like it didn't work.)
ReplyDeleteOOooooohhhh.... I see. You left that little detail out.
Well, they that say the church would be harmed by your sensible frugality bear false witness. It is they that should be worried, not you.
So...you're not worried about being frugal or not attending every activity, you're worried about other people's thoughts and opinions about it. In your spotlighted position, I can understand worrying about that.
You already know this, but you can't change them. I'm sorry that they want to behave that way and put you in the soup. We're all a bunch of dirty dogs.
The good news is you don't have a personality flaw. What you are worried about is not in you. It's coming from others. The bad news is that these others hold a certain leverage over you, and that is stressful.
I hope that you can be at peace being yourselves. Debbie and I sometimes struggle with this sort of thing too (appearing stand-offish/hermitlike/reclusive/cranky/curmudgeonly...), tho not in a comparable way. My livelyhood is not threatened by it.
So I'll stop rambling on in your comments... Know that there are a lot of folks out here who love all y'all.
And by the way...
ReplyDeleteYou have some reputable support in living the way you do.
Gimme a break - nobody's normal, and I"m truly sorry they are giving you that stress to deal with, Susan.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure that being frugal was a result of the Depression. Both of my grandparents were about 10-15 years into their marriage and had five children in 1929. When I knew them in the 70s and early 80s - they were frugal but were certainly not hoarders. Their closets were bare. It's their children who are the hoarders. I can't figure this out. If you grow up with little, do you go overboard when you get the chance? Are you trying to fill a hole somewhere?
People complain that you don't attend football games?!?!?!?
ReplyDeletedumbfounding
All the comments in my head really should not be entered in print.
Ohhhh, Scott, good Crunchy-Con link you sent there. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteFrugal is a good thing. I think it makes you appreciate the Blessings God provides even more.
ReplyDeleteI went to a Women's Forum at Glory of Christ featuring Mollie Ziegler Hemmingway. One thing she noted is that especially in DC, people rush around working 2 jobs to buy all this stuff and to have their kids in so many activities that it seems like they never have time to enjoy life. They prefer not to have all the "stuff" and enjoy living the simpler life :)
April 2008 and the party's over!
ReplyDeleteBut the so-called 'misfits' will survive! In certain circles old fashioned thrift and frugality have suddenly become fashionable.
Today's gasoline reaches $3.50 gal., every day we see higher grocery prices for the essentials: milk, eggs, bread, cheese, cereal, fruit etc. (anything hauled by truck); home heating costs are out of sight (I live in northern New England). The list rambles on...
This month we hear of layoffs, possible massive unemployment, home foreclosures, reduced credit. We notice empty store fronts and for rent/sale signs everywhere; we read of approaching economic doom and gloom, etc. People are cutting back out, not out of choice, but because of bare necessity.
The economic recession is here big time and it's scary stuff. What to do: learn to be a true misfit. Retrench and stop buying all non essentials. Turn vegetarian; cut out meat; eat rice, lentils and beans, milk and eggs; shop at thrift stores; in cold weather keep thermostat down and wear wool; turn off lights; drive car only as necessary; and no eating out, no movies, no trips. Stay home to eat or take a picnic. This period of stagnation and inflation can only grow worse this year. Read the news online: these facts are all well documented.
Want fun and entertainment? Go to the public library for books and videos and DVDs, take walks, eliminate all extras and frills. Cut corners everywhere to survive. Keep a record of every dollar spent and stick to budget. Save for a rainy day.
This country survived the 1930's and can do it again. It's the thrifty little misfit who'll have the last laugh.