Not Answering Questions

A homeschooling mother answers questions. It's what she does. It's who she is. EVERY mother answers enough questions to make her head spin. But homeschooling mothers have another whole arena of questions to answer. And ask. And explore.

Kids with VCFS ask questions. When my youngest was about 4-6 years old, she asked questions. Persistent questions. When I was overwhelmed by it, other mothers assured me that it was normal and healthy for kids to ask lots of questions. They said their kids ask lots of questions too. I remember thinking how they just didn't understand. After all, I have five other kids. They asked lots of questions too. But nothing like Maggie's questions! (Some people call this perseverant behavior.)

Gary and I have discovered that we ought not answer Maggie's questions. It can get a little maddening to answer the same question repeatedly. Maggie's repetitious questions are her way of checking on whether she is actually remembering something correctly. We've tried to teach her to say, "This is what I think I remember," and then state what she's thinking, and continue, "Am I right about it?" But she rarely does that.

After all, why should she? She wants to ask. And it works: usually I answer. After all, that's what homeschooling moms do.

This week though, I've been trying harder to catch myself. I feel like a huge meanie, refusing to answer her questions. But she's asking questions she knows the answers to. And she's asking them repeatedly. Sometimes I've been callously saying, "I'm not answering that; you know the answer," and then ignoring her. Sometimes I need to ask her questions, guiding her through some steps to help her realize that she actually does know the answer. But she's figuring out that she does indeed know the answer.

I think I need an Impatient Pill for when I'm feeling like a niiiice mommy who wants to help her child by answering questions. What Maggie needs much more than answers is the prodding to figure out that she knows the answer already.