Worried about Organizing

I've been thinking about the post over at Dark My Road on keeping track of all the things there are to do, and how we become anxious over it, and fail to take care of our own need for rest when there's so much to do.

After some time to consider it, I realize the biggest problem for me is not organization. Karin and I have both bemoaned, "If only I could just be a little more efficient, a little more organized, I'm sure I could pull all this off."

No matter how organized I am, no matter what kind of program I can set up to help me, I will never do it well enough. Of course, I'm still gonna try to do what I can to keep up with my duties and serving my family and neighbors. But my biggest crash-and-burn is the expectation that I will find a way to do it right, to make it work, if I just try hard enough or find the right system.

I think the admission that I can't do it has to come first. Then an organizational plan that helps (but doesn't "solve"!) may prove to be of some assistance. But as long as I go on the assumption that I will be able to juggle all the demands on me and somehow keep track of my to-do lists, as long as I continue to listen to the voices saying "do this" and "do that," those demands will cripple me. For me the first step has to be acknowledging, "Yup, I won't get most of it done, and the world will go on."

But I am so reluctant to admit that.