Monday, December 20, 2010

Comfort?

Why the difference? Some people say, "I know this is hard for you," and you can feel the sympathy and the love coming through. Others say, "I know this is hard for you," and somehow it comes off as an implication that it shouldn't be hard for you, and what's the matter with you that it is?
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4 comments:

  1. Bikermom12/20/2010 4:06 PM

    You are so right. I try to be somewhat bemused at the latter. If I scrunch up my eyebrows just right and flutter my eyelids then I feel a little better.

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  2. Cheryl12/20/2010 5:28 PM

    The difference is probably a combination of things, including context, the speaker's tone of voice & body language, and your knowledge of and history with the speaker. I suppose we should take everyone's words at face value. But we don't, and I don't know if we can, really. Certain circumstances in my own life at the moment have driven home for me this truth in a big way. There is so much more than just our words that communicate meaning. We worked through a conversation course in our family a few years ago and learned that even in casual conversation, what appears from the words to be going on is often not what is going on. Or maybe it is, but there is always more.

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  3. Elephantschild12/21/2010 12:39 PM

    I don't know, Susan, but I have noticed the exact same thing.

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  4. Lauriinnc12/27/2010 5:03 PM

    Being sorry with you and for you are different just like laughing with and at someone are different. One is with love for you and the other is "looking down on" you.

    It has happened to me too - when it does, we call it "the pity game."

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