Today's Laugh

As firefighters, we are required to wear our full bunker gear on all safety calls, even to advise homeowners of a county ordinance against burning leaves after dark. Last Halloween, two co-workers waited on the porch of one such offending household, helmets in hand, until a woman finally opened the door. Promptly dropping a candy bar into each helmet, she remarked, "You boys are a little old for this sort of thing, aren't you?" and closed the door.

Today's Laugh

What is a vampire's favorite fast food?

A guy with very high blood pressure.


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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No! They eat the fingers separately.


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What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

Squash.


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Why do ghosts shiver and moan?

It's drafty under that sheet.

Indulgences

We visited Holy Hill the other day to see the beautiful art work, to see the beautiful countryside, to climb the tower, and to be outside in the sun. While there, we ran across the "apostolic penitentiary decree." It tells us that the pope has established this year as a special Year for Priests.

As I read over the decree, I see that I have earned a plenary indulgence. In other words, according to the pope, I don't have to go to purgatory. Gee, without even trying to check off the items on the list, I just happened to have done the things for the Go-Straight-To-Heaven indulgence. How 'bout that?

Actually, if you believe that you can do things to merit heaven, if you accept the idea of indulgences, this seems a lot better than what Tetzel was doing when he crassly sold indulgences for cash. After all, the pope is asking that Christians be repentant, that they go to the Lord's Supper, that they go to confession, and that they pray for the priests' faithful ministry and faithful lives. Those are good things. We certainly join them in their prayers:

(TLH page 112)
To preserve Your pastors and ministers in the true knowledge and understanding of Your word, and in holiness of life, we beseech You to hear us, good Lord.

(TLH 485)
The servants Thou hast called
and to Thy Church art giving
preserve in doctrine pure
and holiness of living.
Thy Spirit fill their hearts,
endue their tongues with power:
what they should boldly speak,
oh, give them in that hour!

(TLH 493)
Oh, may Thy pastors faithful be,
not laboring for themselves, but Thee!
Give grace to feed with wholesome food
the sheep and lambs bought by Thy blood,
to tend Thy flock, and thus to prove
how dearly they the Shepherd love.

Today's Laugh

It was Halloween night when a driver called our road-service dispatch office complaining that he was locked out of his car. I forwarded the information to a locksmith, along with one more detail: the car was parked at a nudist colony. Of course, the locksmith arrived in record time. But when he called in later, he wasn't amused. "Figures," he said. "I finally get to go to a nudist colony, and they're having a costume party!"

"I Can Read" books

Sam the Minuteman (Revolutionary War, colonists' side)
George the Drummer Boy (Revolutionary War, British side)
The Boston Coffee Party (Revolutionary War)

Chang's Paper Pony (CA gold rush)
Josephina and the Story Quilt (1850, emigrating to CA)
Follow the Drinking Gourd (underground railroad)
Buffalo Bill and the Pony Express (1860)
Long Way to a New Land (1868, Swedish immigrants)
Long Way Westward (1869)

First Flight (1903)
One Bad Thing about Father (Teddy Roosevelt)
Clara and the Bookwagon (1905)
Dust for Dinner (1930s)
Hill of Fire (Mexican volcano, date ?)


Millicent Selsam's
Let's Get Turtles
Plenty of Fish
Greg's Microscope
Seeds and More Seeds

Today's Laugh

A few days into retirement, his wife asked him, "So what are you going to do today?"

The man answered, "Nothing."

"But you did nothing yesterday," said the wife.

"True. But I'm not finished yet."

Lasagna Pan

I've been looking for a lasagna pan for years. Today I found a set of Anchor-Hocking bakeware at Aldi. A three-pan set (8x11", 9x13", and 11x15") for ten bucks. The large dish alone is worth more than $10 to me. If you need a 5-quart baking pan, hurry to Aldi this week.

Today's Laugh

Two blondes are walking along the beach together. One gasps and says, "Look at that dead bird!" The other looks up and asks, "Where?"

Militant Peace

Sounds rather oxymoronic, doesn't it?

The concluding petitions to this week's collect are that the heavenly Father would defend us against all enemies of the Word and would bestow upon Christ's Church Militant His saving peace.

Peace. What kind of militancy exudes peace, anyway???

I guess that would be the "militancy" of a church that is beaten up and ridiculed and mocked ... and which finds her peace not in what she sees or experiences but in the promises of her Lord.

White Bread

All those bagels made of white bread a couple of weeks ago, in addition to non-whole-wheat noodles, gunked me up in my head and throat. Finally got back to normal. Then Saturday morning we had French toast with the last of the white bread, and Saturday evening we ate buns that were only 1/3 whole wheat and the rest white. And then last night at a potluck I ate enough brownies to compensate for the political discussion around the table. Now I'm coughing and stuffy.

Dang it. I think I'm slowly learning the lesson that I simply cannot do white flour anymore. It stinks getting old. Good-bye, donuts. Farewell, yummy cookies. Boo-hoo and whine-whine.

Today's Laugh

Seen on a bumper sticker:

If you can read this,
my caravan's fallen off.

More Pictures from August

Alia locked up in her carseat on the move to Texas:

A very fuzzy picture of Katie and Alia at the gas station where the beer distributor gave me free Bud Lime:

At that same gas station, Alia was greatly enjoying driving the play racecar. I thought it would be fun for her if we put quarters in the machine and gave her a ride. I was wrong. She was not pleased.

At the hotel -- a toilet to flush and toilet paper to unroll. Ahhhhh, heaven!

Their new place is the first floor, the left half of the picture:

The immediate neighborhood:

The family in a farewell picture at the airport:

Depression

It was interesting to me to notice Psalm 31:
My eye wastes away with grief,
yes, my soul and my body.
For my life is spent with grief,
and my years with sighing;
my strength fails because of my iniquity,
and my bones waste away.


And then in Psalm 25 we read:
Look on my affliction and my pain
and forgive all my sins.


This is reflected in many other scripture passages. For some reason, though, these jumped out at me recently. It's almost like the psalmist admits that sin has physical consequences, and that the absolution is God's response even when the problem is physical or temporal ... almost like forgiveness is what's most important to Him.

Today's Laugh

My son, objecting to the "demotion" of Pluto so that we are no longer supposed to call it a planet:

Don't you dare say Pluto is not a planet. Dwarf people are still people. So a dwarf planet is still a planet.

History or Current Events?

Andrew and I sat down to listen to our current tape in the US at War series. We're studying the time leading up to the Revolutionary War. It seems that the Sugar Act (an attempt by Britain to increase taxes collected from the colonies) was imposed at a time when the colonies were already experiencing recession/depression. And guess what? When they increased taxes during a depression, it destroyed the economy that was left, knocking some businesses out of business, which then had ripple effects on other businesses.

Now, who would ever have guessed that increasing taxes during hard economic times would do that???

Do you suppose the governor and the president and the leaders of congress would like to gather round my kitchen table and listen to some of our history tapes??



PS: We also had to laugh at the colonists' insistence that they shouldn't have to pay "involuntary taxes." Now, think about that phrase: involuntary taxes. Is that not a redundancy?

Today's Laugh

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.

"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "infidel sit on well."

Static Electricity for Experiments

If you're a homeschool mom like me, you may not have balloons in the house when you need them for science experiments. "What do you mean -- you thought it was okay to play with the balloons like they were toys? Don't you realize that I need them on rare occasion and don't want to have to make a trip to the store? Playing with toys? What will you children think of next???"

When Dr Wile tells your kid to make static electricity for a science project and there is no balloon to be found, see if there's styrofoam in the house. If you take a styrofoam plate and rub it vigorously against your hair (as you would do with a balloon to build up a charge), it works. The styrofoam doesn't have as much oomph as a balloon; you can't use the static charge to hang the plate on the ceiling. But it works well enough to pull the electrons in a piece of foil or a very thin trickle of water.

Today's Laugh

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a cowboy from Montana stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt ...

one button at a time ...


No one moves...


He removes his shirt...


Muscles ripple across his chest...


She gasps...


He whispers, "Iron this. Then get me a beer."

Today's Laugh

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear confrontations, the Montana Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and be alert for bears while in the field:

"We advise that outdoorsmen wear small bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them, and to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter....

"It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain lots of berries and fur. Grizzly bear droppings have little bells in it and smell like pepper."

Caramel Dip for Apples

This isn't as runny as the caramel dips you find in the produce section or at the apple orchard, but it's healthier. The taste isn't quite the same, but it's just as good.


Cream together equal parts of:
brown sugar
cream cheese
peanut butter.


A bowlful of this with a plate of Honeycrisp slices makes a mighty yummy lunch!