Some people listen better with their eyes closed, shutting out visual distractions to focus on what they hear. Some people are uncomfortable making eye contact because it feels too much like an invasion of their personal space. Some people who do make eye contact feel compelled to break the eye contact while they're doing some momentary evaluation of what the speaker just said. None of this is news-worthy, right?
Not long ago I had the opportunity to do some substitute teaching. Small class size -- not at all like speaking to 200 people at a homeschool convention. Much more intimate. I couldn't believe how important it was to me for the students to be looking at me. When they weren't looking at me, I wondered if they were bored. I wondered if they'd gotten lost because I'd explained poorly or used a word they didn't know. I wondered if maybe they were distracted in a good way, like making connections between what I said and something they had read earlier in the day. I wondered if maybe I did still have their full mental attention, even as their eyes gazed unseeingly out the window.
The experience made me think I should take care to make eye contact nearly constantly with whoever's in front of me. But I'm one of those people who can't listen critically and thoughtfully if I'm making eye contact. However, now that I know how much it helps a speaker for her listeners to be watching and not just listening, I should try harder to keep my eyes focused too, at least some of the time.
Showing posts with label introverts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introverts. Show all posts
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Wednesday, August 06, 2014
It's Kind of Peaceful Being Grounded
This evening I get to drive to church, under Gary's supervision. I have SO been looking forward to being able to drive again! I will be able to take myself to work and to church and to the grocery store.
And yet ...
yesterday and this morning ...
I keep thinking that it's kind of been nice not going anywhere. I hate running errands. Introverts love to hole-up at home. For the last couple of months, when I get up in the morning, I've not had to decide which errands to run, which places to go. I've been stuck at home, except for the times my family has graciously chauffeured me to church or to doctors or to those occasional errands which managed to pile up enormously.
As of tomorrow, it's back to normal -- deciding which errands musts be crammed into the day along with all the other responsibilities.
As anxiously as I've been awaiting the return of my driver's license, I'm surprised by the sense that I'll also be losing quietness and calmness.
And yet ...
yesterday and this morning ...
I keep thinking that it's kind of been nice not going anywhere. I hate running errands. Introverts love to hole-up at home. For the last couple of months, when I get up in the morning, I've not had to decide which errands to run, which places to go. I've been stuck at home, except for the times my family has graciously chauffeured me to church or to doctors or to those occasional errands which managed to pile up enormously.
As of tomorrow, it's back to normal -- deciding which errands musts be crammed into the day along with all the other responsibilities.
As anxiously as I've been awaiting the return of my driver's license, I'm surprised by the sense that I'll also be losing quietness and calmness.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Quiet
1. The book I'm reading about introverts and extroverts is full of stories. More stories than research. Anecdotal evidence doesn't bother me. I usually enjoy stories.
2. But one of the stories is about Al Gore and his passionate work to save the world from global warming. Or climate change. Or whatever we're calling it these days. The author makes the point that Mr Gore worked doggedly on this issue for decades. Few people listened to him because he is an introvert and doesn't make his case in a splashy way that draws the attention of extroverts. She pointed out that Gore's movie finally woke up people to the danger we're in, so we're finally taking seriously the necessity to save the planet.
Normally, I will read such things and shake my head in disbelief. I may crab about it a bit. (Or more.) And then I'll go on, taking the good parts of the book and ignoring the bad. But this kind of book? If the author believes the global warming and climate change are real, can I believe other things she says?
3. To add to my skepticism, she characterized the "Western God" as an extrovert, as seen in Jesus Christ Superstar where God's "son Jesus is kind and tender, but also a charismatic, crowd-pleasing man of influence."
Okay, maybe the Lord is an extrovert. (What He's all about is giving Himself to others, pouring Himself out for us.) But the author's source for this insight?
For real? Jesus Christ Superstar?
4. I did like the section on sensitivity, conscience, and guilt. Apparently, introverts tend to feel guilty even when they've done nothing wrong. They tend to feel embarrassed themselves when friends are teased. They may fail lie-detector tests even when they're telling the truth.
Story: One day my brother and I came home from grade school on our lunch-hour. David and I watched one kid walking on the other side of the street take off his jacket. Then he swung it at another kid, whipping him again and again. That day Dad was working nearby so he happened to be home for lunch too. As we told the story of the mean boy, Dad got mad. He was angry at the kid for hurting the other child. He went on and on about how the jacket-zipper could have cut the other child or injured an eye. As an adult, I realize that everything Dad said that day was reasonable. But in the midst of the situation, I felt accused. I remember spouting, "Why are you mad at us? We didn't do anything wrong! We didn't hit anybody!" Poor Dad. He probably wondered where I came up with such a statement.
And thus, the section about introverts feeling excess guilt resonated with me.
2. But one of the stories is about Al Gore and his passionate work to save the world from global warming. Or climate change. Or whatever we're calling it these days. The author makes the point that Mr Gore worked doggedly on this issue for decades. Few people listened to him because he is an introvert and doesn't make his case in a splashy way that draws the attention of extroverts. She pointed out that Gore's movie finally woke up people to the danger we're in, so we're finally taking seriously the necessity to save the planet.
Normally, I will read such things and shake my head in disbelief. I may crab about it a bit. (Or more.) And then I'll go on, taking the good parts of the book and ignoring the bad. But this kind of book? If the author believes the global warming and climate change are real, can I believe other things she says?
3. To add to my skepticism, she characterized the "Western God" as an extrovert, as seen in Jesus Christ Superstar where God's "son Jesus is kind and tender, but also a charismatic, crowd-pleasing man of influence."
Okay, maybe the Lord is an extrovert. (What He's all about is giving Himself to others, pouring Himself out for us.) But the author's source for this insight?
For real? Jesus Christ Superstar?
4. I did like the section on sensitivity, conscience, and guilt. Apparently, introverts tend to feel guilty even when they've done nothing wrong. They tend to feel embarrassed themselves when friends are teased. They may fail lie-detector tests even when they're telling the truth.
Story: One day my brother and I came home from grade school on our lunch-hour. David and I watched one kid walking on the other side of the street take off his jacket. Then he swung it at another kid, whipping him again and again. That day Dad was working nearby so he happened to be home for lunch too. As we told the story of the mean boy, Dad got mad. He was angry at the kid for hurting the other child. He went on and on about how the jacket-zipper could have cut the other child or injured an eye. As an adult, I realize that everything Dad said that day was reasonable. But in the midst of the situation, I felt accused. I remember spouting, "Why are you mad at us? We didn't do anything wrong! We didn't hit anybody!" Poor Dad. He probably wondered where I came up with such a statement.
And thus, the section about introverts feeling excess guilt resonated with me.
Sunday, July 06, 2014
Quiet -- chapter 1
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking,
by Susan Cain
My friend, Lora, recommended the book Quiet. The first chapter intrigued me: history, sociology, psychology, and more.
Industrial revolution leads to
more consumer goods and less farming, which leads to
people moving to cities (where they're relatively anonymous) and away from farms (where everybody knows their family for generations back and their work ethic and the looks of the place), which leads to
an increased need for salesmen,
"a social operator, someone with a ready smile, a masterful handshake, and the ability to get along with colleagues while simultaneously outshining them" (p. 20).
Yes. That's it. Salesmen must have the charisma to draw others to themselves, to instill trust, and yet to make sure they get what they want from the customer and outshine the colleagues. It's seldom about cooperation, and usually about competition.
The increased need for salesmen leads to
a change from the "culture of character" to the "culture of personality" which leads to
advertisements everywhere
and earlier schooling (so that children can be "socialized")
and "inferiority complexes" for introverts
and psychiatric medications to change personalities
and the idolization of celebrities
as we learn to be dissatisfied with quiet thoughtfulness,
and be influenced by those who are outgoing (regardless of depth)
and those who talk and chatter and even scam.
by Susan Cain
My friend, Lora, recommended the book Quiet. The first chapter intrigued me: history, sociology, psychology, and more.
Industrial revolution leads to
more consumer goods and less farming, which leads to
people moving to cities (where they're relatively anonymous) and away from farms (where everybody knows their family for generations back and their work ethic and the looks of the place), which leads to
an increased need for salesmen,
"a social operator, someone with a ready smile, a masterful handshake, and the ability to get along with colleagues while simultaneously outshining them" (p. 20).
Yes. That's it. Salesmen must have the charisma to draw others to themselves, to instill trust, and yet to make sure they get what they want from the customer and outshine the colleagues. It's seldom about cooperation, and usually about competition.
The increased need for salesmen leads to
a change from the "culture of character" to the "culture of personality" which leads to
advertisements everywhere
and earlier schooling (so that children can be "socialized")
and "inferiority complexes" for introverts
and psychiatric medications to change personalities
and the idolization of celebrities
as we learn to be dissatisfied with quiet thoughtfulness,
and be influenced by those who are outgoing (regardless of depth)
and those who talk and chatter and even scam.
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