Self-Esteem

Self-esteem has gotten a bad rap among conservatives. The term (as used in America today) has come to encapsulate the whole idea that people should "feel good about themselves" no matter what. Thus we have teachers who don't want to use red pens to mark up a kid's writing assignment because it might make little Joey feel bad about himself. We don't want to play any games where somebody might lose; think of the baseball games where the grown-ups forbid children from keeping score so that "there are no losers." (As IF the kids don't keep track of the score in their heads!)

Problem is,
that's not what self-esteem is really about.

Several years ago, I was preparing a lecture/workshop for the state homeschool conference on the topic of homeschooling preschoolers. Of course, every book you look at on the topic of Educating Young Children is primarily about self-esteem. But I was surprised by some of the research from the 60s when self-esteem first became a popular idea.

Self-esteem is not a simple "good feeling about yourself." Self-esteem is actually the recognition that hard work pays off. In other words, if you're struggling with math facts, self-esteem is the knowledge that studying and memorizing and practicing will help you learn your factoids well. If you work hard at doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, the reward is praise from Mom and a nice clean counter-top and non-sticky floor.

The original point of self-esteem was EFFORT PAYS OFF.

And the opposite of self-esteem is not "feeling bad about yourself." Actually, the opposite of self-esteem is knowing that no matter how hard you work, no matter how much effort you put in, no matter how many times you try, that you cannot change the outcome of something.

It's like the animals in psychological studies who were in cages and were given an electric shock or some other punishment every time they crossed over into the other half of the cage. Finally, when the shocks ended and the animal was free to go to the other half of the cage where the food dish was, the poor critter just stayed in the small portion of the cage, away from the food dish, because he knew it was useless to try to cross over that line. Even though he was safe, the dog had learned it was useless to try to improve his situation. THAT is what "poor self-esteem" is really about.

I don't know if anybody else cares about this. I just thought it was fascinating because some of what's said by some in the "self-esteem camp" seemed so obvious and real and sensible. But some of it was feel-good mumbo-jumbo gobbledygook. Thus I could never make sense in my mind of what was right and wrong about the concept of self-esteem. But finding out what self-esteem really is (and isn't) helped sort those things out in my mind.

Super Tuesday

There's not too much difference between McCain and Hillary on the issues.

As Belling pointed out today, a liberal Republican can be even more dangerous than a liberal Democrat. If Hillary is president, the Republicans will be trying to block her from accomplishing too much. But if McCain is president, many Republicans will support their president, and the Democrats will agree because ... well, ... because they already agree with McCain's stance on most issues. (I have long agreed with my friend Scott that there's not as much difference between the two major parties as they would like for us to believe there is.)

For those of you voting next Tuesday who are leery of Romney because of his religion, remember what Luther said about it being preferable to have a competent heathen ruling rather than an incompetent Christian. Tuesday isn't about picking a pastor, a husband, or a daddy. It's about choosing the government leader. And if there's going to be any real option in November (Scott's comments notwithstanding) then McCain will have to lose next week.

Meme

Liz and Jeff tagged me for a quick and easy meme. The instructions are to grab the nearest book, turn to page 123, go down to the fifth sentence, and post the next three sentences.

Well, the computer is next to the piano, so the nearest book is TLH. Page 123 is the start of the psalm section. And sentences 6-8 are
Why do the heathen rage and the people plot a vain thing? The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together against the Lord and against His Anointed, saying, "Let us break their bands asunder and cast away their cords from us."

Let's tag..... hmmm, I can't remember who I haven't tagged for a while....
Scott, Muddy Boots, Paula, Kristi, and a certain Lutheran Woman,

Lyin' Thermometer

Out here in the country, I seem to have developed a pretty good sense of temperature, usually being able to guess within 5-10° how warm it is. I began to get suspicious early in winter when I thought it felt like about -10° but the thermometer was telling me it was 5°. I figured it was just me feeling cold and old and decrepit and fussy. But it kept happening. And then I started to notice that it was always MUCH colder in town, where the bank has a time&temp sign flashing. Hmmm.

So today, when the lyin' piece o' metal is telling me it's 10°, and schools all over are shut down due to cold, I'm thinking, "What's weather.com have to say about this?" Sure enough, my thermometer can only operate accurately down to about 15-20°, and then it just feel toooo cold to move any further down the scale. No wonder our senses aren't matching up with the nice scientific measuring tool that we used to trust over & above our senses. Well, we've learned our lesson now.

The only trick is going to be to get the kids to trust their mom's senses instead of the nice scientific measuring tool. But, hey, I've got the computer reports to verify my analysis of how cold it is out there, and whether you need long johns and mittens.

Psalm 27:8

When You said, "Seek My face,"
my heart said to You,
"Your face, Lord, I will seek."

Hey, would you look at that!?! I always thought that the heart's response was pretty much an "Okie-dokie. I will." But there's more to it than that.

The heart's response is speaking back to God what He has first spoken to us. It's repeating His words back to Him.

Kinda says somethin' about the liturgy, eh?

Fat Cat

We have always left a bowl of dry food out for the cats, available to eat as they needed. There's nothing canned. If they want "wet food," they gotta chase and capture their own.

Rosie Cotton, our kitten, is a pig. She is getting fat. We finally decided we need to put this cat on a diet. But how do you limit her access to the dry-food bowl without also removing it from Athena, who has the sense to eat the amount her body needs?

Katie feeds her cats twice a day. Okay, maybe we could try that. We'd just have to remember to pick up Athena's bowl and stick it in the cupboard whenever she walked away from her bowl, and set it out whenever she came looking for it again. Poor Rosie. She had a miserable day. We didn't know how much food was an appropriate amount, so a few times during the day we'd give her a tablespoon of kibble just to decrease her ravenous hunger. Then one time Athena left her bowl and we didn't put it away. Rosie snarfed it down, and then barfed it back up. Ah, shooooot, a cat being forced into anorexia. We decided maybe we need to feed her enough to keep her from that desperate a hunger! We'll have to keep working on this diet thing....

Whatever You Ask

Whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you (John 16:23).

Loads of people will tell us that God will give us whatever we want: a nice house, a well-repaired van, good health, a happy family. But is that what this is about? A name-it-and-claim-it theology? A "prayer of Jabez" suggestion?

One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in His temple (Psalm 27:4).


If I desire ONE thing of the Lord (to know Him and be with Him) then "whatever I ask" will be that ONE thing.

The Look of Bread

Now and then we slash the top of the bread loaves after they're shaped into loaves and before the loaves rise. Why is it that that one little touch can make the bread LOOK so much more delicious??? It's the same dough. The same taste. But nevertheless, it looks more enticing.

No Repairman

Oh my goodness! I called the nice, trustworthy, capable repairman at the body shop where I had the van towed to. He's not there. The shop is closed until April 8. Now I need to find a different repairman and get the van re-towed. Gooooood grief!

Ungreen Environmentalists

My husband tells me that a bill was passed recently which will outlaw plastic shopping bags. (I don't remember if it's Wisconsin or national.) Stores will have to return to paper bags. Now, personally, I always ask for paper instead of plastic. But the plastic that I get from Target or Walmart (or from the grocery store for carrying a bloody piece of roast) is used to make my garbage bags. But in the name of protecting the environment, we're going to get rid of those. Nevertheless, people will still be lining their kitchen trash bins with plastic. But now we'll have to BUY it instead of reusing our shopping bags. And THIS is what's considered environmentally friendly???

Whatever happened to "Reduce, REUSE, Recycle"?

And on a totally different tack, whatever happened to the government letting businesses run their businesses instead of the socialistic thing about the government micromanaging them? Ah, but that's a whole 'nother topic.

And then there's all the environmental problems caused by the new-fangled lightbulbs that are being foisted upon us with the soon-to-be-outlawed incandescent bulbs. But, hey, those new lightbulbs are "green" no matter what damage they do to the environment or people's health, because the experts on global warming have assured us that the new lightbulbs are good.

My Grocery Store

For weeks I hadn't gone grocery shopping. I picked up a few things at a local store, and a few things at Aldi. Gary had done the grocery run once, and Paul had gone once. But I hadn't done the big once-a-week trip to MY store in what seemed like ages. I was feeling stressed about money, and the idea of spending $100 or more on groceries was unreasonably stressing me. (After all, is there anything more important to spend money on than your dinner?)

And then a week ago I went to Woodman's. There was something so comforting about walking through the aisles I knew, picking up the groceries that were essential to life, seeing people I knew, and just doing one of those routine chores. And when I went to Woodman's today, the same comfortable feeling overcame me.

I am a boring old putz who loves my routine!

Today's Elders Meeting

They didn't really decide anything. At last week's voters' meeting, the elders said they would be meeting this week to make some decisions (or recommendations) about what to pay the pastor now that he has a full-time job, and what to do about health insurance, and what to do about duties at church that he has previously handled himself (such as secretarial needs).

They did decide to cancel Lenten services, and to ask the circuit counselor to take the Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, and Good Friday services.

But anything that applies to us (such as pay level and parsonage concerns) was not decided. So we wait some more.

Car Insurance

I haven't reported the accident to the insurance company yet; they weren't open on the weekend. But we saw our insurance agent at church this morning. I was hoping to get an idea of which Blue Book value they use in determining whether a car is totaled or repairable: the trade-in value, the private-sale value, or [unlikely] the retail value. He didn't know. He said it would be decided by the appraiser. Oh well, I guess we just wait on that one then.

The big bummer was what he told us about the non-contact accident. Because the other driver was not hurt and his property was not damaged, his insurance company can simply ignore the accident. We said, "But the police report says he's at fault." Doesn't matter apparently. Since I didn't make contact with his vehicle, all the liability falls on me and my insurance company. Can you believe that??? I would've been better off financially had I just stayed in my lane, slowing as much as possible without losing control, and creamed him. I thought it was better to do less damage. But apparently I'll be punished for it, and get to pay the deductible myself.

Well, if I had stayed in my lane and hit the other vehicle, I suppose I would've done some real damage to my body in addition to the car.

Cat Food

The last several days, we have been picking up kibble and tossing it back into the bowl SO MUCH! I couldn't figure out why.

Now I know.

One of "us" has decided that she's bored inside, with all that snow out there, and no hunting grounds because the bigger one of "us" takes all the gophers and mice and other critters without letting the little one of us have any.

So, apparently the plan has been to get into the cat-food dish and toss kibble out onto the linoleum floor. And then (ooooooh, what fun!) you can get all fierce-like, and chase down a piece of kibble-prey, and pounce on it, and slide across the floor like a crazy out-of-control animal, and bat the kibble-prey around, and kill-kill-KILL it! And then -- whoa, what a triumphant warrior! -- you can EAT your prey. Just like the real huntress does outside with her gophers.

However, the game gets boring before all the kibble prey gets "caught" and gobbled. So the big two-legged ones come along, pick up the mess, and toss it back into the cat dish.

But when their backs are turned, the four-legged one can start tossing cat food all over the kitchen floor again. What fun!!!

Shaken Up

For a second or two today, I was afraid I was going to kill a man.

It was snowing again. The roads were snow-packed and hazardous. I was driving slowly and cautiously. Approaching an intersection, I noticed a vehicle that looked like he was not going to be able to stop. I moved over into the left lane (for oncoming traffic, of which there was none), thinking he was going to manage to stop partway into the intersection. But he kept coming further into the intersection. I was too close to the corner to be able to slow down enough to avoid hitting him as he went right through his stop sign. As he started into the intersection, he seemed to be unable to get the traction he needed, and I thought I was going to hit the driver. But then his tires grabbed and he began to move faster, so his truck was in the left lane and the snowmobile trailer was in the right lane (my lane) and there was nowhere for me to go but the ditch.

I'd slowed down enough and managed to keep control so that, when I steered to veer around him, I didn't do donuts. I didn't roll the car. I just slid (relatively gently) off the road into the ditch, taking out the stop sign, and hit the telephone pole. The van is pretty dented up, and the back window exploded. But there are no bruises, no cuts, no broken bones. And hopefully no mechanical damage to the van.

I didn't hit him. I didn't hurt him. And I didn't smash my front end into his vehicle, which would've done a lot more damage to my car than what actually panned out. So I guess, given how bad it might've been to have a car pull out right in front of me, things turned out pretty well.

The booger is that three people have to be at work on Monday, and we're down to two cars. Philip's is in the shop, apparently in need of an alternator. Right now, with circumstances as they are, we just have too many people going in too many directions (and a long way in those directions) to be grounded due to non-operational vehicles.

The thing I am very thankful for is the kindness of the man who caused the accident. He was very concerned to make sure I wasn't injured. He had me sit in his car with the heat on while we awaited the police. And he told the police officer the truth about pulling out in front of me: he noticed how slowly I was going and thought he had time to cross the road before I reached the intersection. And he would've been right if the road conditions had been better, or if it had been just his pick-up truck going across instead of his truck and trailer.

When it was time to go back to town later, I was so nervous about getting in the car. I remember how nervous Katie became about driving after a semi side-swiped her. In my rational mind, I realize that accidents can happen, but when it does happen, it's kind of scary to get behind the wheel again, wondering what's going to go wrong this time. But they tell you to get right back up on that horse after you fall off....

No More Call Lists

For about 15 years, people have been putting Gary's name on call lists. In the last year, friends have done so even more than before. We are SO thankful for that help and encouragement! Our new district president (the one we've had for the last 1½ years) has done what he could to circulate Gary's name and to encourage congregations to issue him a call. Nevertheless, there have been no calls to consider.

Now Gary is in a position where he can no longer consider a call.

When he first started applying for jobs, nobody was interested in hiring a guy who'd been a pastor for 20 years. 1) They figured he had no business sense -- definitely not true of Gary! 2) A few naughty Roman Catholic priests have given pastors a bad reputation, so people wonder about guys who are no longer going to be serving a parish full-time. 3) Apparently some people are uncomfortable with the idea of being around a pastor (eeeuuuwww!) all day because he might hear them cuss or talk about things in their lives that he might disapprove of.

So when he applied for the job where somebody helped him get an "in" (where the personnel dept didn't just toss his resume in the trash immediately), the interviewer was concerned that the salary would be too low for a middle-aged guy. She figured that he would up and leave as soon as some congregation somewhere offered him a position. The ONLY way they would consider keeping him in the pool for consideration for the job was if he would promise them to stick around for at least 12-18 months. Since this job seemed like the only chance to make more than $10/hour, he told them he'd stay put in the area and make it worth their while to train him and give him a chance.

So that's where we are. We're here in this locale. And if his name should continue to be circulated, he would not be able to give a call due consideration at this time as it would make him renege on his promise to his new employer.

Drug Test

So the business finally got back the results of Gary's drug test. And he passed. (Are you surprised? LOL) So he reports to work on Monday morning.

The congregation has contacted the district, wondering what's going to happen now with their pastor being unavailable to them except on Saturday and Sunday. The elders meet to discuss possibilities this weekend.

Another Job Possibility?

We were out running errands and taking care of several things today. We had to kill a little time between two appointments and stopped at the library. Turns out they're hiring a part-time (9 hours per week plus every fifth weekend) associate in the children's department. I mean, now, really, how much more FUN a job could you find than that?

Deadline for applications was today when the library closed. In other words, I had a whoppin' 75 minutes to decide if I wanted to apply, fill out the application, and write a cover letter.

I did. I can't believe I did this. The only down-side I can see is that I'd have to give up Thursday Bible class. Of course, it's not likely that they'd even give a housewife an interview -- especially a mommy who had only half an hour to think about whipping out a cover letter. But it'll be interesting to see if anything comes of this!

Balsamic Vinegar

After depleting nearly all of Katie's fresh produce in only two days last week, I figured I'd better pick up some groceries for us visitors to consume over the next couple of days. And then it would be polite and proper to leave them something to make up for all the inhaling of groceries we'd done. Among other items, I bought some baby lettuces and some grape tomatoes. We ate them for lunch on Friday, just before we scooted out of town. But Katie and Nathan do not have salad dressing in their apartment. That's fine with most of my kids, but I would've preferred some dressing. Katie had been telling about this balsamic vinegar that she had (not something she learned about in my kitchen) which she had included in Thursday evening's ham-bake. So I thought I'd try sprinkling balsamic vinegar onto the salad.

Oh. My. Goodness!
Delicious!

Although my home-made salad dressing is full of enzymes and other healthy stuff (raw first-cold-pressed olive oil and raw apple-cider vinegar), I think that balsamic vinegar may have converted me to using that for salad dressing instead!

Hungry

It's important for families to eat dinner together. Since Gary's going to be gone at dinner time (1:30ish) we're going to have to be eating at supper-time. So I sat down and made a chart of who's going to be here when, and who needs to take meals to work with them the next day, so I knew whether to cook for 3 or 8 or some number in between.

Yesterday we made a light meal for lunchtime -- just a gallon of salad and a 13x9 of tamale pie. We intended to eat dinner at suppertime. Oh my goodness! By 3:00 I was starved. I couldn't think of anything but food. I snitched Snickers. I snitched a shot of Southern Comfort. I snitched more Snickers. By 5:00 I thought I was going to fall apart from hunger. Finally we sat down to fajitas and burritos. Then I stuffed myself too full.

How do the rest of y'all eat dinner at suppertime? Gary and I both felt cruddy last night after eating a meal in the evening. Maybe it's just what you're used to?

Last week at symposium, I ate in the evening because it was the only way to work out calories -- half a bowl of cereal in the morning, a piece of fruit midday, and then dinner about 7:00. For nearly 20 years, we've been eating dinner at 1-2:00. As Gary and I have been feeling the results of old age, we eat less and less at suppertime, and let the kids eat leftovers and burritos and fried eggs and sandwiches and stuff like that for supper.

Today we went to Pizza Hut for their lunch buffet. (Thank you, Anthea!) In an attempt to try to do something for supper as an official meal, we put some leftovers out and nibbled at them together. Today when Gary and I were discussing this whole meal-schedule thing, we figure we're just going to have to eat dinner midday regardless of family togetherness. I hate that thought! But likewise, we hate the thought of the nightmares that come after eating dinner in the evening. We just can't figure out any good way to blend the need for family meals with our bodies' need for fasting in the evening.

And what's really sad is that I'm fretting about this when there are people in the world who would be tickled to pieces to have any food to eat, regardless of the time of day.