What to Call the In-Laws

When you're a kid, you don't know what adults call their in-laws.  After all, parents usually refer to their in-laws as "Grandma" and "Grandpa" around the munchkins. 

So when you get all grown-up and acquire yourself some in-laws, you have to figure out what to call them.  It feels funny to start calling someone "Dad" who used to be "Mr Lastname."  But hey, what may feel funny at first is something you get used to eventually.  The problem comes when there are objections.

Maybe the bride's mom doesn't want her daughter calling another woman "Mom."  Maybe she thinks, "That's my spot!"  Maybe the groom feels like it would be betraying his father to call somebody else "Dad."  Maybe you don't feel comfortable enough around the spouse's family to use such close & endearing names.  Maybe [gasp] there's some dislike. 

When Gary and I got married, we didn't know what to do, and nobody told us.  When I asked about calling my mother-in-law "Mom," I was told no, but that I could call her "Mother."  (Unfortunately, to me, "Mother" is a term of exasperation, rather like when a parent uses a child's full name; kids usually know that they're in trouble when they're summoned with the middle name and last name in addition to the first name.  That's how "Mother" feels coming out of my mouth.  Because "Mother" sounded disrespectful to me, I didn't want to use it for my mother-in-law.  Maybe I should have anyway.) 

When two of my girls got married, we didn't know what to tell them.  We did tell them that we thought "Mom" and "Dad" would be good, but that it was up to them because we recognized that it might make the husbands uncomfortable or make the guys' parents uncomfortable. 

In hindsight, I think we botched it. 

There is a change of relationship, a change of family, new connections being created, at a wedding.  The bride has to get used to introducing herself with a new name.  She has to get used to a new signature.  The couple has to get used to living together instead of separately in their parents' homes.  Calling the in-laws "Mom" and "Dad" is just one of those changes. 

So I'm saying it for all you yet-unmarried youngsters who are my kids' friends.  There's a theological reality here.  When you refer to your spouse's parents with words/nicknames for parents, you are teaching yourself something about who these people are and what your relationship is.  If they object to being called "Mom" and "Dad," maybe they need to learn something about this new family-relationship.  Neither should your parents object to your in-laws being called "Mom" and "Dad."  You've probably got decades together, through kids and grandkids, through illnesses and moves and job changes and fights and reconciliations and school plays and Little League games and deaths and sorrows and joys.  Y'know, "for better or for worse, ..." and all that. 

And through it all, it would be good to know that this person who raised your husband (or wife)  IS "Mom" or "Dad."  Not just to your spouse, but to you too.  And using the words helps you to believe it.

So say it.  Squirm if you must.  If you can't help it and turn red in the face, so be it.  But say "Mom" and "Dad" anyway.  In 40 years, you'll be glad you did.

Wisconsin Homeschoolers

Although the DPI now has available the online census form on which we report the enrollment of our homeschools, now is not the time to file. 

If your child has already been enrolled in a conventional school for the 2012-13 school year (even though he would not yet have attended), you may not begin homeschooling until the government receives a copy of your PI-1206.  If your child has been enrolled for the upcoming school-year, file your 1206 this week or next.

But for everybody else (those of us who unenrolled the kid last spring, or those of us who were homeschooling last spring and even before) we do NOT file the PI-1206 until after the third Friday in September. 

I know some of you want to get things checked off your to-do list.  I know some of you don't want to wait, for fear you may forget.  Put it on your calendar for September 26 or 28 or October 3.  Like all the other schools in the state, we count our enrollment on the third Friday of September.  Wait until that day, please.

Arnica Gel

Because I bruise easily, I know that every single bump into a corner of a counter-top, a piece of furniture, or a car door, will result in a bruise. A tube of arnica gel is sitting in my bedroom to alleviate carpal tunnel pain.  As I had done with my inadvertent aloe experiments, a week ago I experimented with the arnica.  Arnica on only one of the bruised spots.  The newer bruise (which was just as deep, with the same amount of pain as the older bruise) healed much faster, much more comfortably. 

How does it DO that?!

That arnica is awesome stuff!  And no, I don't get paid by the Arnica Foundation to wax eloquent about this amazing herb.   :-)

Alia's Axe

So while we're babysitting today, the 3-yr-old comes from the garage, onto the deck, with a hatchet. Andrew's eyebrows pop up, and he queries, "So ... what are you doing with the axe, Alia?"

"I want to chop down a tree."

Naturally! Silly us. Why else would a kid want an axe?

I explain, "You may not chop down a tree. I want my trees!"

"But.... But ..... I want to chop down a tree. Why do you have an axe if you don't chop down trees??"

"For chopping the branches that fall down after a windstorm."

She trots back to the garage and puts the hatchet away.

So as we're in the kitchen, putting away the food and beginning to wash the lunch dishes, I'm thinking that we really need to keep a close eye on this kid. Then Andrew gasps from the deck. Alia had picked up the cat (the younger one, the mild-mannered one, the suck-it-up-and-take-whatever-comes one) and tossed her in the kiddie pool. Surprisingly enough, the cat wasn't as pleased with the pool as was the kid in the bathing suit.

Then we went to the playground. The nice, safe playground. LOL.

Peach Pie

So when the peach pie or the apple pie contains the fruit-skin,
when the mashed potatoes have skins in them,
does that mean
a) the cook is nobly concerned about good nutrition and not wasting the food,
or
b) the cook is too lazy to peel the fruit?

I vote for choice A.  Yes.  I do.  You believe that, don't you?

Making Mistakes

I think it might be worse to watch somebody else make a mistake at work than to botch it myself.

Almost half of our tellers are new in June or July.  Two were on their own for the first time this week.  The person I was working with today is such a sweetie.  It was really busy.  And, as luck would have it, she ended up with her drawer being off.  She hadn't made a big error, but it was enough to trouble her.  I wanted so much to hug her and assure her.  I wanted to make it all better for her.  I remember those mistakes happening all-too-frequently when I was new.  I wished that things had gone differently during the morning; I wondered if there was something I could have done to be more helpful to her.  I feel awful that she was off, and it wasn't even my mistake.

When I was new, they kept telling me, "Everybody makes mistakes."  That didn't make it any better at the time.  But now that I've been there for a while, and I can see what the new girl is going through,  it's true: everybody does make mistakes when they're learning!

When I was new, they kept assuring me that I would learn from my mistakes.  I didn't like that.  I knew it was true.  But I hated it.  In fact, I still remember my second-grade teacher giving us a homework assignment to come up with a list of homonyms.  I of course, in overdrive, came up with a list of not 10 or 20, but nearly 100.  My list included "our" and "are" as homonyms.  It was wrong!  [gasp]  [By the way, Teacher didn't listen to how folks in that section of Illinois pronounced "are" and "our."]  I still remember being WRONG about that.  Of course, Mr Choir Director appreciates that because I make sure to sing "our" with the correct pronunciation.  And sometimes I edit his writing, correcting the same mistake (because he was raised amongst people with the same accent).  All because of my mortification that my second-grade teacher caught me being WRONG.

During my senior year when I was taking a programming class, my computer program didn't run as it was supposed to.  I couldn't figure out what was wrong.   I went to the prof.  He asked me what I'd done to debug the program.  "What?  What do you mean, 'debug the program'?"  He asked me what I'd done before, when my programs hadn't run properly.  I was stunned.  They'd never not-run before.  I was nearing the end of my computer-science major, and I had never debugged a program.  I'd always gotten it right from the get-go.  That's not actually a good way to learn to solve problems, eh?

I am still stunned by the parable of the lost sheep.  For decades I had wondered about how there is "more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over 99 just persons who need no repentance."   God is not like me.  I would much rather have my kids obey me than to screw up and break things and be sassy and then ask for forgiveness.  I don't understand this verse: how can God delight in repentance more than He delights in so much obedience that there's no need for repentance?!  I mean, He certainly wants us to obey and do what is right!  But this verse -- there is more joy in heaven.... 

I don't like mistakes.
I like to be right.
I like to do things the right way so that there's no need to fix it.
I want so desperately to comfort those who are grieving
over their inability to do the job perfectly.
I know we learn from our mistakes.

I still don't like mistakes.

Maybe I'll get it straightened out in my mind before I die.

Proper-Fitting Bras

Heads-up to guys: This is a girls' topic.

About a decade ago, the doctor sent me for tests.  She was quite sure I didn't have cancer, but needed to eliminate that as a possibility before looking into more reasonable explanations for the pain I was experiencing.   The mammogram technician told me that she sees many women who are having problems with their undergarments.  She suggested trying an alternative-type undergarment, and that has been my only option for years.  It doesn't make a person look attractive, but it seemed the best choice given the circumstances.

Recently, a friend pointed out Breakout Bras and their advice on sizing and finding a proper fit.  Hey!  This is fantastic!  Nobody ever told me this before!

Y'know how They always told you to measure your rib cage and then add 4-5" to find your band size?  No!  That's wrong.  That's how I ended up with poor fit, pain, and straps that kept slipping off my shoulders.  Breakout Bras says to measure your rib cage, and then start shopping for the size that reflects that measurement.  And it works.  Awesome!

The Kids Pulled It Off!

We got stuck with a dentist appointment for Maggie on a day that I had to work.  But that was okay: Andrew could drive her.  Then Andrew had to go in to make arrangements for his new job (CNA work for at-home assistance for the elderly or disabled).  But Katie was willing to borrow our car and drive Maggie to the dentist (even when we forgot to switch car seats into the van, and she had to come chase them down).  I dropped off Andrew at his appointment.  Katie waited for Maggie, and then all the girls hit the beach while waiting for Andrew's appointment to conclude.  It took longer than it should have.  Many thanks to Katie for her help!!  Who needs Hermione's time-turner when Katie helps us out this way?!

Garden

Enough aloe, and the sunburn will soak in, turn to tan, and won't peel!





I thought I would have three days in a row off this week.  Since late May, I had been hoping to go visit Mom this week.  But somehow I ended up scheduled to work Wednesday afternoon.  As Murphy's Law would dictate, business was slow, and I stood around bored for most of the afternoon.  What a bummer!

But Maggie has been motivated to overcome the weeds.  The garden got SO out-of-control during June's vacation and symposium, and then with July's heat and our reluctance to go do garden work and give ourselves heat stroke.   :-)  So for the past week, we have been working together to make a dent in the jungle. 

The patch by the grapes and blueberries has been thoroughly weeded, mulch laid down, and a few small strips planted.  Cilantro, beets, lettuce -- because it will be cooling down pretty soon  -- right?

The strawberry patch and the asparagus patch have been thoroughly weeded.  Part of it is mulched.  We need to move a few straggler berry plants back into the proper rows, and then finish mulching.

The tomato patch (where live the cucumber, zucchini, basil, and peppers) is weeded and has mulch in all the places I want it.  We still need to till under the cilantro patch and plant something that will grow before snow & frost.

The blackberries are partly weeded.  And the raspberries need lots of attention: pruning and weeding and mulch.  

The patches that have been weeded are drying out so fast!  I know the weeds hog the nutrients and moisture, supposedly harming my plants.  But the weeds also provide ground cover so that the ground stays moist there.  I'm not entirely convinced at this point that we haven't done harm in this drought to have yanked the weeds.



Not enough blackberries to make a pie or a batch of jam.  But there are enough to graze for some treats.  The raspberries were even thinner than that.  The grapes, however, are looking nice.  The tomatoes are beginning to come in and taste oh-so-wonderful!  There are only a few pumpkins, but that will be okay.  I loved the romaine we grew in spring; I hope the heat now won't be too much for a fall crop.

The heat and lack of rain seems to have forestalled the pest damage from Japanese beetles.  It also seems to have significantly delayed the fungus problems everybody around here faces.  So I think most of the tomato crop may ripen before the plants succumb this year.  Woo hoo!

Poll

Gary and I aren't in the habit of hanging around the house in our underwear.  Our kids have learned in the last couple of years that several of their friends' dads do.  (Come to think of it, we don't know about friends' moms.)

An argument arose yesterday.  Is the decency-standard different for girls and guys? I think in public it is.  But what about in the privacy of home?  I suspect that girls are less likely to wander the house in their underwear, but I may be wrong.  If the girl thinks all the guys are gone or asleep, and then is seen in her undies [gasp!] whose problem is it?  Should the female take greater care in modesty?  Or should the male realize that, if he can wander the house in his boxers, he shouldn't hold others to a higher standard?

What do you say?

Avoiding a Traffic Ticket

You know that "Move Over" law?   If an emergency vehicle or tow truck is stopped on the side of the road, we are supposed to move over or slow down.  Well, "move over" doesn't just mean to move over; it means to change lanes completely.

I talked to someone who got a whoppin' fine and three points on her license today because she needed to be in the right lane to exit the highway, so she moved over to the middle of the road to give wide berth to the police car and the tow truck which were sitting on the shoulder.    But she did not change lanes so that her car was completely in the left lane.  That was the reason for the ticket.  When she explained to the policeman that she was exiting and had to be in the right lane, he told her that she should have stayed on the highway and proceeded to the next exit ramp. 

I also did not know until today that slowing down is not an option if you can change lanes.  But if you can't change lanes, how much must we slow down?  That's not clear either.

So there ya go.  Just sharing the warning.

Local Politics

Oh, the level of vitriol against a man who's just trying to look at some out-of-the-box options!  Not to enact them.  Just to ask if we should consider them.

I have been thankful for the leadership of our town chairman, Matt.  He doesn't want to play political games.  He's as fiscally conservative as I am.  He's got loads of common sense.  He's not a fool, to be taken advantage of.  He's good!  

The problem is that our township and the village within its borders have been fussing with each other for decades.  Town properties can be (and have been) annexed by other villages, depleting our tax base.  Our town doesn't have the authority to make plans for itself; we have to get approval from the neighboring villages and from the county.  We can protect ourselves and be more self-governing if we have village status.  Recently our township attempted to become incorporated into a village, but the village-within-our-borders thwarted the attempt (in violation of the current Border Agreement between the two entities). 

So now the question is: Shall we look into the possibility of a merger between the town and the village?  It would be a way to achieve village status.  It might be better than being "eaten up" slowly by neighboring villages because we'd go into the merger as equal partners.  But there would be some serious downsides too.  In a few weeks, we'll have an advisory referundum on whether we should even begin to look into this.  This is not a vote on whether to consolidate with the village.  It's merely a vote to determine whether we should explore the possibility.

Last night was the third town meeting on the subject.  It was the first non-Wednesday, and thus the first Gary and I were able to attend. Some of the folks from church made good points against looking into consoliation.  The county exec (who was speaking in favor of consolidation) made the strongest case to me to vote against consolidation.  (Bigger = better!  Progress!  Numbers!)   But the main things that I saw at last night's meeting:

a)  Grudges are powerful.  And long-lasting.  And they blind people.  There's a place for being cautious and wary when someone in the past has done dirt to you.  There's certainly a place for "trust but verify"!  But to say that we can never even talk about ending a feud?  Sad.

b)  I'm shocked at the anger against a man who's wanting to look at options for protecting the township he's in charge of.  I shouldn't be.  Gary said the same thing has happened to him.  When he would float ideas at his previous congregation for ways to reach out to the community, or point out repairs that needed to be made to the building, or suggest changes to the confirmation program, so often people refused to even consider it.  "We can't even discuss the pros and cons of what we have now and what I'm suggesting?"  Nope. 

I still don't know how I'll vote on the referendum.  Short of seeing into the future, there's no way to know what's the best course of action.  Both sides have really good arguments on how to save money, reduce government, ensure freedoms.  But we don't know what decisions will be made by neighboring villages, who will be sitting on town boards, and what kind of decisions will be made if/when we appeal the decision on last year's incorporation effort.

Is He Telling the Truth?

When one of my co-workers asked a few weeks ago, "So, did anybody try to get in while I was gone?" and "Did you see the bad guys anywhere in the neighborhood?" it sounded to me like he was joking.  But he persisted.  I was confused.  He then informed me that there had been a robbery at a bank in the area.  I didn't believe him.  I thought it was a stupid joke.  He insisted it was real.  I was skeptical.

So a little later, I asked the supervisor.  She confirmed that there had been a robbery at a nearby bank.  She was a bit confused that I didn't believe what I'd been told, and that I wanted to check on the story.  That's when I realized something kind of unsettling -- I no longer assume I'll be told the truth.  I've heard too many lies. 

That's sad.




By the way, for those in the metro area, the serial robber was caught.

Gimme Nouns!

Imagine a paragraph with 37 pronouns, 0 nouns, and 14 nondescript verbs (such as "have," "got," "was," and "did").  For some reason, I seldom understand tales told in that fashion.  I guess I'm just flawed that way. 

Wrath of God

Even though we are sinners, parents know the conflicting feelings when kids do things to hurt themselves.  Maybe the child wandered off and got lost at Target.  Maybe the preschooler ran into the busy street.  Maybe the toddler reached out to put her hand on the red-hot burner on the electric stove.   Maybe the teenager fell in with the wrong crowd and is hanging out where crimes are committed.  The parents love the child.  The parents want to protect the child.  Mixed in with all this love and protection is some anger.  It's not sinful anger (although it's certainly possible for sinful anger to be mixed in too).  There is justified, righteous anger that the one you love --more than you love yourself-- is hurting himself.

Being angry does NOT mean the parents don't love.  Quite the opposite.  If the parents didn't love so profoundly, there wouldn't be anger. 

I spent decades confused by what it is to "fear, love, and trust" in God.  But when I experienced what it is to fear, love, and trust a person, I began to understand how those are not conflicting verbs.  Now I'm beginning to see, in the same way, that the experience of motherhood helps me have an inkling of how wrath and love co-exist.

Psalm 85 tells us that
the Lord has forgiven the iniquity of His people. 
He has covered all their sin. 
He has taken away all His wrath. 
He has turned from the fierceness of His anger.   

If He has "taken away all His wrath," that means there was wrath.  The forgiveness of sin took away His wrath toward us.  But it was there, and something caused it to cease. 

I suppose it's not reasonable to think that a loving God could be wrathful.  But there are lots of things the Bible says that our puny, reasonable minds cannot comprehend: the trinity and the incarnation for starters.  We don't jettison the clear words of Scripture just because our finite reason cannot understand.

Kitchen Herbs

Tomatoes are beginning to trickle in from the garden.  I want basil to go with it!  But my basil plants are a whopping 1-2" high right now.  We looked at the local grocer.  Of the two stores in town, one didn't carry fresh basil, and the other had a tiny, skinny box of organic basil for $3.  Three bucks for about 10 basil leaves?  [gasp, hyperventilate, preparing to rant...]

We asked one of the employees, "Is there any non-organic basil?  The organic is a bit pricey."  No, they didn't carry any other brands, but they carried live kitchen herbs, including basil.  Wow!  I bought a pot of basil and a pot of rosemary.  Even if the basil didn't grow, even if all I harvested was what was on the plant that very day, it was still twice as much fresh basil for a smaller price than that expensive little boxful.

The basil is doing great.  The rosemary has dried up and looks pitiful.  But if I can make this work, it may mean basil and fresh cilantro through the winter.  It's a 3x3x3" container (with holes in the bottom) with several basil plants growing in it, and it sits on a dish.  The instructions say to keep snipping off the tops of plants to harvest leaves, and to keep water in the saucer/bowl so that the soil soaks up the moisture.

Huh.  I always was pulling leaves off the sides of my herbs.  I guess I should've been chopping their tops off.  Well, this is good to know, whether for inside or outside herbs.

Basil on my sandwich tomorrow!  

The Apostles and Prophets

The glorious company of the apostles praise Thee.
The goodly fellowship of the prophets praise Thee.
The noble army of martyrs praise Thee.
The holy Church throughout all the world doth acknowledge Thee.

te Deum

... built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, 

Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone.  

Ephesians 2:20

Why are the apostles listed first?  In time, the prophets came first.  

Sometimes, facing problems allows for a sharpening of language.  Sometimes, dealing with controversy allows us to come to clearer understandings than we had before.  

Pastor pointed out recently that the apostles are listed before the prophets because they had been brought to clearer understandings.  The prophets were important; they taught the truth; they were God's messengers.  But the apostles were even greater. Because of the passage of time, they could see things the prophets hadn't.  They knew what the prophets had handed down, but then also knew more.  Ancientness is not necessarily the place where we find purest truth.   

Sometimes, we really do stand on the shoulders of those who have gone before.

Plan for Exercise?

Over the past week, I finally succumbed to the idea that we could (should?) join a gym.  Maggie needs exercise.  We're not managing to make it happen.  What if we joined the gym that's about a mile from the house?  No more "it's too hot to go for an exercise-walk" or "it's too cold" during winter or "it's too rainy" (which we haven't had ANY problem with this summer).

Curves requires a year-long contract.  Snap doesn't.  Snap is less than half the distance as Curves.  So we dropped by today to sign up.  But registration had to be online.  And I couldn't register Maggie for the one-month-trial because she wasn't old enough.  When I asked the local gym, they suggested getting a free trial for me and then bringing Maggie as my guest.  But that means we'd have to be there only during the hours they are staffed which (given my work hours) gives us only two afternoons a week.  Not exactly a realistic trial.  But maybe better than nothing?

Maggie begged to not join.  (She really likes following the rules to a T.  And this would've involved several exceptions to the rules.)  We finally decided we'd take another crack at exercising at home.  Walks will have to be in the morning before the temperature of the air becomes higher than body temperature.  Same for biking.  We checked out some Netflix instant-play exercises videos.  For the most part, they move too fast for us to figure out.  Move your arms how while you're doing what with that sliding dance step?! But time may help with that. 

We have to start small.  With achievable goals.  But it's such a long haul to see improvement ....

Things You Don't Want to Remember

More than 30 years have passed.  I still remember. 

The other day some friends pointed me to an article on watching horror movies and other scenes which impress themselves on our minds.  And I remembered.

"We" were me, my new husband, my father-in-law, and the guy who'd been Gary's roommate the previous year.  We'd been in Washington for a week for my brother-in-law's wedding.  We'd had some late nights visiting and celebrating.  It was a long drive home.  We needed to stop.  We'd been watching billboards, hunting a hotel.  We'd been exiting the highway, scanning for signs of hotels.  Nothing.  At exit after exit, we were finding nothing.  Our eyes were getting heavy.  We really needed to stop for the night.

Finally an ad for a hotel.  Phew!  We took the next exit, followed the signs, pulled into the hotel's parking lot ... and began to wonder.  This didn't look like the kind of hotel I wanted to stay in.  Small.  Not well kept-up.  Hourly rates.  Yeah -- hourly rates.  But we were SO tired.  We checked in.*

We showered, climbed into bed, turned on the television.  And our eyes about popped out of our skulls.  We turned it off.  But 30-some years later, I still remember what was on that screen.  Just that one small experience makes me realize how important it is to guard our eyes and our imaginations from pictures that cannot be erased. 

I still remember being a child terrified of "The Wizard of Oz."  I still remember some of those Godzilla movies.  I cannot understand the popularity of the zombie movies today.  I've never watched "Friday the 13th" or "The Exorcist" or any of those other horror films.  My mom told me we should watch "Saving Private Ryan" (which is history, not billed as Horror) but I just couldn't. 

I have friends who don't want to watch "The Passion of the Christ."  Even though I can't understand (because the awful things in that movie are our life and our salvation and our joy, and because the theology embedded in that movie is gorgeously rich) I do understand because it's vivid, and it's emotional, and it's something that cannot be erased from your mind when once you've seen it.

But when the reason to see a movie is merely for entertainment (?) or because everyone else is seeing it, why do we willingly expose ourselves to such nastiness?  For fun?  Something's wrong.



* The kicker came the next morning.  When we checked out and hopped back on the interstate, the very next exit had several big-name hotels.  If we'd only held out for 15 more minutes.... 

Comfort Foods

Oh, they tell us not to give a kid a cookie to cheer him up.  They say it's bad to find comfort in food.  Depressed?  Don't you dare have a bowl of ice cream.  In a cranky mood?  Don't find your solace in making your favorite supper.  M&M's when life seems overwhelming?  Shame on you.

BAH.  Humbug.

Personally, I like taking comfort from comfort foods.

But then you get older.  Pizza may make your mouth happy and lift your spirits.  But your stomach says, "Excuse me?  Pizza?  It's 9:30 in the evening, you fool!"  Snickers make you feel better for 10-20 minutes, but then you pay for it later.

So where do you find comfort when you know that you really really really ought to exercise self-control, and not have that rum&coke, not have that 8 oz bag of candy bars, or not have that third slice of pizza?  (Did I say "third"?   Uh... I meant "second."  Well, no.  I meant "first."  Shoot.  You're never going to believe me, are you?)

The chocolate cookies on the counter are calling my name.